Plucked form the evening breeze

Oh Romeo ,
Have my Coxs apple,
But do not hold it between your teeth like a suckling pig,
Take a bite and put it back ,
Sample it but do not hog it,

Take this Pink Lady,
Use it to fight through your fire ,
And stop the red rush ,
The laughing clowns parade ,

Take his words make them real ,
Smash them over his face ,
And glue you both back together,
Use this

Interesting...

First off, punctuation. Comma's are all well and good, but do remember the wonder's of a full stop! Alternate if there is a pause at the end of each line.

For example

Oh Romeo ,
Have my Coxs apple,
But do not hold it between your teeth like a suckling pig;
Take a bite and put it back.
Sample it, but do not hog it.

My apologies, but that's all I have time for right now, I'll add more later on. ^_^

~Chibi

It seemed like you were attempting to have this apple motif, but it was rather limp. What does the last stanza have to do with apples? What does anything in this poem have to do with anything else in this poem?

You have some very nice images, but I didn't know what was going on all the time. It didn't seem to say anything or lead anywhere. I'd like to know what the apples have to do with gluing people back together, what fighting through a fire has to do with smashing words over someone's face.

As Chibi said, punctuation other than commas would be appreciated.

But do not hold it between your teeth like a suckling pig,
Take a bite and put it back ,
Sample it but do not hog it,

Ha. Just had to giggle at that.

Oooh, looks like you're new! Welcome to YWS!
Colleen

Hmm...I'm not sure how to respond to this because I don't undersand it...at all. I suppose poetry is open to interpretation but! if you'd like to PM me and let me know what this is about I'd really appreciate it! Welcome to YWS!