Hide Me No Longer

I don't care if my whole 6Th grade class is staring at me right now. I don't care that my teacher is trying to coax me away. I'm not letting go. Yes, i may be hugging a tree, literally, but I'm not insane like they think i am. It just feels right. It is so strong so secure. Not like anything else in my life. I hold on feeling as though no matter how long I stand here its roots will hold fast. Not like the roots of my parents marriage. Not like the the relationship with my best friend. Not like my teachers constant criticism. Not like anything else in my life. As i hold on i can see my mom's face smiling, which is something she hasn't done since before the divorce. I see my ex-best friend Abigale's face so caring when my world was falling apart. I can see my teacher with an encouraging gaze as she passes me my A+ paper. I never want these pictures to fade. I never want to feel scared and vulnerable again. I want the strength and security if the tree to protect and hide me from the relentless pain life has bestowed upon me. And so i start to cry and my teacher is pulling on my arm trying to make me let go. After a long while i have no strength left and a let go. My teacher does no let me go though. She hold on to me hugging me close. And for the first time i realize that the the happiness may be fleeting but so is the pain. I can be as strong as the tree I dint have to simply let go. And i finally, after years of hiding from my trials, am ready to face them. I am ready to fight for the security the tree gave me. I am finally ready to face life. I am finally ready to live.

This is just a rough draft and am really hoping for some constructive criticism thanks!

Be sure to capitalize all your I's.

Where you have "routes", I think you mean "roots".

Not like my teachers constant criticism.

Should have an apostrophe at the end of "teachers", for the posessive.

I want the strength and security if the tree

Of?

She hold on to me hugging me close.

Holds.

I can be as strong as the tree I dint have to simply let go.

Didn't. Also, I think there should be a period after "tree".

I think splitting this piece into paragraphs might improve it. The current format makes it seem a little ramble-ish.

It also might be nice to have a bit of background information about the character's situation. I'm curious about what happened with the best friend, especially. Though, the way you have it now does let the reader fill in the blanks on their own, which may actually be a nice thing...

I like the ending, because it's surprising that the crticizing teacher comforts the girl. Though, I did think the character's last thoughts to be rather vague, and maybe a little unrealistically abrupt.

But overall, quite nice for something of this length. Though it might be even better if you expanded on it, gave it more plot, characters, etc.

I agree. This was actually a dream that I had (kind of a weird one) and wrote it down when i woke up. So I really don t know much about the characters myself. I am coming up with ideas for them though and am hoping to expand on it and give it more depth.

Lily was saying that it needed a bit more depth and characters- so, an idea!

There are different ideas in here (the rocky marriage, the sour friendship) that you could use to make little stories within the big story. For instance, write a small snippet away from the tree, wherein the friends are fighting or the main character is at one parent's house or another. Little scenes that make us care about this person more.

This is really interesting- I especially like it that it was from a dream. The best dreams are the ones that give you story ideas, right?

If you expand on this at all, feel free to PM me. This was an insufficient critique for such a cool piece, but I really want to see how you're going to expand before I rip it to shreds...in a nice way, of course.

It's an awesome idea, and I like the relation between the tree and security. As i read it, though, i kept thinking that I can't imagine this happening in real life too often. (But i've never been in this character's postition either) I do agree that if you expand on her life, it would make more sense. I think it would ease into the tree-hugging reaction better, and it would seem more realistic. It's a really cool story.