Lycanthropy, Part Two.

8.27pm, 19th of May

Father, mother and Harold are out hunting the local wildlife; I hope that they do not mistake a human for a deer…

The first day of school was a drag, as it always is. I had math, geography, history and chemistry; why is everything so dull? I had to take tests in all of them, joy joy. And once the school actually marks the blasted things, they wont know what to do with me. Harold on the other hand will be put in the easiest classes and sleep the day away, so that he can hunt or prowl all night long. I only hunt when I have to, about once a month or so, when my lycan side needs to stretch her legs.


We arrived at the school and immediately Harold was shunted away by a giggling group of girls, bent on getting his number, or more.
I walked over the grounds, feeling their eyes on me and stifling the urge to snarl a warning at them. Not a good way to start your first day at a new place, being branded a freak.

I walked into math and scanned the room for a spare desk, ignoring the stares from almost every pair of eyes in the room. That was more because of my colouring than anything else, I was almost an albino I guess you could say. Pale skin, white hair, light blue eyes…but the ends of my hair were black, but only in certain locks. It looks as though I have just dipped the ends of my hair in black ink or something.

I walked to a desk near the front and say down at it, opening my books to gratefully plunge into algebra and trigonometry. Five minutes later the teacher walked in and slapped a test down in front of me before addressing the class about something or other. I put my name at the top and set to work, half an hour later I pushed the three page test away and continued with the equations.

The bell rang ten minutes later and I handed in the test before calmly walking out. It was much the same for the rest of my classes, stares, test, walk out. Yawn.

During lunch I was by myself as I tend to prefer, and working on a combination math/chemistry equation when a guy cleared his throat and sat down beside me. I glanced at him briefly, enough to take in his features for recognition at a later date. He had dark wavy hair with a cowlick in the front, a nicely tanned complexion and dark green eyes that make you want to drown in them.

Put together, they were the features that invariably tend to make him the centre of female attention, even when he had one of his random blond bimbos hanging off his arm. My pen paused briefly as I flicked my gaze around him, searching for bimbo or cronies. Finding neither I put my pen down and politely gave him my full attention. “Can I help you?” I asked politely, affecting interest.

He smiled disarmingly, flashing perfect white teeth “I doubt it, I can help you however.”

“Oh?” I said blandly, starting to pack up my books as I obviously looked for his absent girlfriend. “And where’s your girlfriend today?”

He gave me a hard glare and snapped “We’ve just broken up.”

“Ah.” I said distantly “My condolences.” I finished packing up my books and said as I stood “So you were intending to take me sightseeing around the town, pretending for us to be a couple and make your ex jealous?” I gave him a bland smile and turned away, tossing “Thankyou, but no.” I paused and jerked my head towards my brother and his gaggle of admirers “Oh, and ask your sister to keep her wandering mitts off my brother. She doesn’t want to get tangled with him.”

As I walked by Harold I gave him a scathing glance that spoke volumes. He had the grace to blush slightly and remove certain enterprising hands from his person before they managed to find the formidable crown jewels.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, Harold came home a half-hour after I did and surprisingly he was alone. “No limpets?” I asked blandly as he tumbled into the lounge room.

“I don’t want mother to get the wrong ideas.” He returned snippily, although his face was flaming with embarassment. I smiled fondly and tousled his hair, causing him to growl and step away, trying to flatten his sandy curls.

“Don’t do that, you know I don’t like it!” he grumbled and batted my hand away a second time.

I grinned at him impishly “I know, that’s why I love to do it.”

He made a rude gesture at me before stalking off, clearly searching for mother or father. A few minutes later he arrived, alone and clearly irritated. “Where are they?”

“Hunting.” I replied, moving onto the next sum smoothly.

“And why aren’t you with them?” he asked as he flopped down on the floor at my feet, rolling onto his back to gaze up at me.

“You know how often I hunt.”

He yawned elaborately and stretched lazily “Yes, yes, and all the Pack knows that you are the best. They say it too.”

I snorted in disbelieve “Yeah sure. A lycan of my colouring being a great hunter? Right.” I scoffed sarcastically. I was a halfway decent hunter, I thought, speed, strength, cunning...but colouring leaves a fair bit to be desired. It's not like a white wolf has the best of camouflage in a forest, and yes, I'm a white lycan.

Harold smiled chillingly “Its in the blood sister mine, I’m a decent hunter also you know.”

I rolled my eyes “And how often do you hunt? Every night? Speaking of hunting, go find mother before she mistakes a human for a rabbit or the like. You know how she is.”

“In other words, buzz off.” He grinned at me, baring fangs as he morphed into his golden lycan form and padded out, hitting my leg with his tail as he went past.

Now, I had considered posting two parts....given that they were originally -one- part but it sort of lost the time difference so I made it two...and then scrapped the second. (will be posted at a later date if you still want the rest) I also edited this one a touch, rereading it like, three or four times... Anyways, the reason why the first part starts on the 18th of May is because I want to give the feeling that they are starting a new school in the middle of term, which they are. So nyah.
Read crit and enjoy, I'll try not to spam you -too- much with the completed 19 page tale...which took me all of two days to write XD

Cheers.

~Chibi

As to the starting of school in your last post, I guess I hadn't put it together that they moved into town in the middle of the school year. No need to get snippy about it (just kidding).

Anywho, on to this addition.

Father, mother and Harold are out hunting the local wildlife, I hope that they do not mistake a human for a deer…

I think this is what my english teacher calls a "comma splice", as these can be two seperate sentances. Replace the comma with a period or semicolon.

I had math, geography, history and chemistry, why is everything so dull?

Again, two separate sentances. Use a semicolon here.

I had to take tests in all of them, joy joy.

If it was her first day, I doubt the teachers would still give her the test, seeing as how she hadn't covered the material as the rest of the class had. But, that's what I know.

...I was almost an albino I guess you could say. Pale skin, white hair, light blue eyes…but the ends of my hair were black, but only in certain locks. It looks as though I have just dipped the ends of my hair in black ink or something.

I like both the description and where you put it in. Nice.

The lunch scene I feel works quite well as well. It likely has little relevance to the overall plot, put it is easy to visualize, gives the reader a great deal of knowledge as to...sorry, can't remember her first name, but I have a good sense of her personality. It also simply breathes a little life and realism into the piece. Also, with the brother at the table, the reader knows exactly what's going on without you having to blatently tell them. It's also more interesting to read than if you had spelled it out. You just gotta grin with the way you put it.

“Yeah sure. A lycan of my colouring being a great hunter? Right.” I scoffed.

Is she vain or simply sarcastic? I'm leaning towards sarcastic, but I'm not sure.

Speaking of hunting, go find mother before she mistakes a human for a deer.”

You make the deer-human reference, almost exactly, twice in this piece. Say it differently or say something else.

The ending seems a tad abrupt, like there should be a few more lines to make it a smoother transition to the end of the scene.

Personally, I feel that this is pretty good work right here. You handled your dilogue well, had very few gramatical errors, and had good descriptions as far as I can tell. While you don't really reveal much more in plot, it is still rather early to do that much anyway, and you use this time to build up the scene and at least two of the main characters, giving the reader a good sense of each. I assume you'll introduce us to the wolf side more soon enough, and get to the issue you eluded to in the first part. All in all, nice work.

Edited. And as I said dear, it was originally one part, this and the second part, but after posting I thought that it was a touch long, and chopped it in the general transition.

There you go, some more detail on the lycan side as well, and in the next post it's almost all entirely 'lycanated' as such Thanks for the crit, even though I asked for it >_>

Ah wells, I rather like the story, even though it does get a bit more...obvious later on. Oh, and the lunch scene -is- rather important to the storyline...which is explained at a later date. ^_^

If I get enough reviews to continue posting that is....otherwise I'll think that you're all bored with my writing and go back to critting, which is what I do more often than not anyways. Again, thanks...is four and a half cookies good?

~Chibi

Very interesting. She reminds me so powerfully of you, if you had the ability to become the unique white wolf. Come to think of it, seems like something you'd be able to do. Is there something you're not telling me, Chibi?

Very interesting. No flattery, but a captivating story with very interesting characters and a whole web of plot open for exploration. Do you plan to write more?