Where it All Went Wrong

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Ok so this is really rough, I'm not too sure where I'm going with it but give me as much advice as you all can I really need it, thanks xx

‘I’m sitting in my mothers room at present, it isn’t a pretty room, far from it in fact. The wallpaper is bright and flowery; the curtains are those, which belong in a child’s, room, covered in hearts and teddy bears. The carpet clashes horribly, it is a deep red, completely out of place with the rest of the room. The only thing attractive in my mothers room is a large, comfortable bed, which is surrounded by an elaborate white furniture piece.

I’m sitting on the bed; I sit here often for it is the only place I seem to find any peace. It holds many memories for me, this bed it is the place I read my first Harry Potter book, the place I first began to write, the place where I’ve laughed and cried, sang and sulked. You ask me why my mothers room and I feel I have little sufficient answer to that. I share my own room and it is often invaded by the chirping of my sisters giggling friends my mothers room was always the place I took refuge and remains so to this day.'

Today though the house is silent and there is only me here, left alone on this sea of a bed with a thin envelope in my hands and black tinted tears running of my too long nose. My vision is blurred but it matters not I have read the important part, the part which states my future.’




How long ago this piece of writing seems, the day I got my letter, the feelings I felt then. Oh how things have changed, my future is not the heaven I imagined back then. My present is as far from heaven as even I could have imagined back then. Let me explain where things went wrong, let me tell you about my life so far.[/b]
'The truly insane perform on many public stages. The sane stage their performance in the privacy of their own minds. Everyone is an actor. In the end, everyone wants applause.'
Madame Senetsky
Falling Stars by Virginia Andrews




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\quote:
I’m sitting in my mothers room at present, it isn’t a pretty room, far from it in fact.
I would turn the first comma into a period. A bit down you have ‘those’ (to the curtains). I suggest changing it into ‘are of the kind which (…).

Quote:
The only thing attractive in my mothers room is a large, comfortable bed, which is surrounded by an elaborate white furniture piece.
Exactly what furniture piece? Mothers = Mother’s. I don’t like how you use ‘mother’s room’ again in one paragraph.

Quote:
You ask me why my mothers room and I feel I have little sufficient answer to that.
Unclear sentence alert. Mothers = Mother’s

Quote:
I share my own room and it is often invaded by the chirping of my sisters giggling friends my mothers room was always the place I took refuge and remains so to this day.'
Unclear sentence alert. Maybe to sentences out of this? Sisters = Sister’s/ ‘and IT remains so’. Mothers = Mother’s

Quote:
Today though the house is silent and there is only me here, left alone on this sea of a bed with a thin envelope in my hands and black tinted tears running of my too long nose
Her tears are black? O_o I have no idea where, but if you have ‘though’ there is supposed to be a comma somewhere around.

Quote:
How long ago this piece of writing seems, the day I got my letter, the feelings I felt then.
Unclear sentence alert.

Quote:
My present is as far from heaven as even I could have imagined back then.
Maybe - ‘So is the present’. I don’t like the repentance, even if it is on purpose.


Okay, so that’s it. You need to work on your apostrophes and some of your sentences are unclear, but I got hooked. ^_^.



Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.
— Rumi