How Much

>removed for reasons of a broken heart<

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

Okay, your poem didn't quite measure up to Sonnet 43. The idea here is cliche and overdone; the poem wasn't completely mangled, it's just that it's difficult to do when all you're trying to say is, "I love you but I don't know how to say it."

You don't have to capitalize the first line of each stanza. It's choppy when you're doing it in the middle of a sentence.

I wonder if you understand how much strength
You give me with [s]a gesture as simple as[/s] a hug.

You can cut those out. The same meaning will still be expressed if you just say, "...you give me with a hug." Okay, the wording there might be a little off, but the point is, telling us that the hug is a simple gesture is unnecessary.

That I would follow you to Hell and back
If you were there with me?

If the narrator is following the person to Hell and back, isn't kind of obvious that the person will be there?

Try to be more subtle. This poem lays it all out for the reader without giving any images or making the reader connect to this strong emotion (and the inability to express it).

I liked it! I'm going to e-mail it to my boyfriend for Valentines Day, with your permission.

Araidne--that's fine, as long as you give me credit! (happy valentines day)

This was nice. It could use a little work as far as vocabulary is concerned though. But otherwise as a really sweet love poem it works. I'm not sure about lyric poetry per say because its not really music-like though it may flow a little like it. I loved it though, the last line was brilliant and in the end made me want more of the poem, knowing of course that I wouldn't get anymore, it's still always a good thing to make your readers reread your poems to get that tastiness back around their tongue. And that's what you did. After reading it once I read it again and again, and everytime it never lost its charm. You definitely know how to write your endings so work a little more on composure to make it more lyric-like.


Great Job, Keep at it!
-Rieda

Sorry guys, this one has to go.