Chionophobia #23 (Encore) /P

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Incandescence
Gender Male
Points 890
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Tue Jan 23, 2007 8:23 am
Incandescence says... · Tue Jan 23, 2007 8:23 am
Removed.
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson




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moosiegirl
Gender Female
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Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:08 pm
moosiegirl says... · Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:08 pm
I think it was very well writen. Is Jonathon a doctor? I was a little confused about that but otherwise i think your story was pretty well writen.
"I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart... Baboom, Baboom, Baboom."
--Mel Brooks




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Emerson
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Points 32885
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Fri Jan 26, 2007 3:20 am
Emerson says... · Fri Jan 26, 2007 3:20 am
Perhaps I am only your error catcher?

‘Try me.”
single quote instead of double quote.

curling his lip and flaring his nostrils as he did so.
I don't like how that reads.

“I”ve hoped,”
doubled your apostrophe there, huh?

As always, you are amazing.

I love the constant tension between Jon and Kyle. Even if it isn't mentioned, you know it's there. And you dug into the love some more. I like how human your story is, how much I can relate to it.

Are you happy now? And if you don't finish, I'll shoot you. And if you don't publish, I'll shoot who ever denied you.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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