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Young Writers Society
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Read / Write
Poetry
Lyric Poetry
Cleansing
5 posts
Myriadne
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
48
Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:54 pm
Myriadne
says...
·
Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:54 pm
I need a shower
to wash away the residue
of you
Exfoliate away
this crust
of old memories
Serenade myself
into oblivion
beneath the
gushing stream
Etch the word
with a damp fingertip
in the steam on the mirror
Goodbye
click here
convintojm
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
73
Fri Feb 11, 2005 12:43 am
convintojm
says...
·
Fri Feb 11, 2005 12:43 am
i really like it, the idea and the execution. though i'm not sure about etch in the fourth stanza because to me etching implies actually leaving an indent in the suface.
Skye
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
145
Fri Feb 11, 2005 10:58 pm
Skye
says...
·
Fri Feb 11, 2005 10:58 pm
I like it too, but I also agree with convintojm. Trace? Scrawl? I don't know, but "etch" does imply the wrong thing.
Overall, it was really good, and it flowed beautifully!
"A poet in love is best encouraged in both capacities or neither." ~ Jane Austen,
Emma
.
-KayJuran-
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
324
Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:18 pm
-KayJuran-
says...
·
Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:18 pm
i love this too! its so simple and yet it tells you so much!
i agree with convintojm and sky though... 'etch' could
perhaps be changed to something different...
read aloud, this really does flow... good work!
Myriadne
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
48
Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:58 am
Myriadne
says...
·
Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:58 am
Thanks for the comments, I guess you are right about "etch" I might change it.
click here
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