dont want to say goodbye

All my life I knew you
you were more than a friend
you were my brother
you were always there when i needed you
i used to joke that you have a special hearing designed to hear me every need and call
i could tell you anything
i run to you when i feel my world is about to cave in
in your arms, i found security and love
my friends would wonder why i spent so much time with you than with them
but they just don't understand the strong bond we have
you,alone i put my trust in
you never harm me, though we may argue at times
you stuck by me, though we may argue at times
you stuck by me even when i did my wrong
you always had my back
i couldn't give you up for anything

but i ask myself this question where are you now?
i call you but you don't pick up
i write you but you don't write back
i tried to get to your parents but they aren't around
i tried your friends they say you are out of town
where are you?
why didn't you tell me you were gone?
i would have come along with you
i would have died with you

i know the story now you are not here anymore
its hard to believe that you left this world before me
why you, why not me
people say you were at the wrong place at the wrong time
but i don't believe that
i believe you knew where you were going
you knew who you going to meet
and you knew you were going to die
why you do this?
why did you leave me?
i am so upset with you its hard to breathe
i am upset at God for taking you away from me
everyone telling me its time to move on, its time to say goodbye
but i cant, i need to know the truth
i need to know the life you were hiding from me
the other side of you i never knew.

First, Welcome to the Site! I think you are new, yeah?

This poem sort of has a good subject matter, it really doesn't get "sort of" good until the end. But it is poorly written. Capitalize the letter I, and it is also customary to capitalize the first letter of each line. You have no rhyme scheme, you have no rhythm. The only thing that makes this a poem is the fact that it is in lines and verse, there is nothing striking about it.

At times, you even repeat yourself blatantly.

you never harm me, though we may argue at times
you stuck by me, though we may argue at times

This whole poem should probably be scrapped, no offense. People read poetry to come away from it with a feeling, or emotion, or relation to the poem. We don't just want to read about you and the greatest guy who died. (Yeah, I know, thats rough). You can't write a poem like this; this is a selfish poem because you are only thinking of you/the narrator. You have to think of the reader, you have to make the reader feel exactly what you are feeling. The topic just isn't original, I could find thousands of poems that look like this. And might I suggest you look at this article: Poetry & Punctuation.

Also: You critiqued one of my poems. Might I suggest saying more than, "its great, i love it very much" because you could have said it to anything; I have to honestly say that I doubt you even read my poem. I'm sure if you would have taken five seconds to read the short poem, you would have had a different response.

Saying "It's great" doesn't help the writer. Tell them WHY you think its great. What about the poem did you like so much? Was there anything you didn't like?

Sorry for being so harsh, if you thought I was being so.

If you have any questions/comments, you can PM me.

First of all, welcome to YWS, Futurestar! I hope you have fun here and you learn to become a better writer. Remeber to give others honest and helpful critiques. Later, .


I don't agree with what Claudette said about the repetition. Though it doesn't necessarily sound great, it doesn't sound horrible.

CAPITALIZATION!!!! When I read it I instantly noticed the lack of capitalization. It made reading the poem grueling and tedious. It made me think that you were immature as a writer because you didn't follow basic grammar rules.

I didn't get much out of the poem itself, mainly because of the grammar and punctuation errors. I also didn't connect very well with the narrator. Tell me what she really feels. I know what this boy means to her but I want to feel her desperation and grievances after losing him.

I like this poem, though it could use some work. Reread it to yourself and find more line breaks. You also need puncuation. Add thouse things and I'll give a better comment, and welcome.

Oh, and by the way, you can have my personal opinion. These are the changes that I would make. It's just a suggestion so don't go and get mad at me. If you don't like it that's okay but PLEASE capitalize your I's.

All my life I knew you
You were more than a friend
You were my brother
You were always there when I needed you
I used to joke that you have special hearing designed to hear my every need and call
I could tell you anything
I run to you when I feel my world is about to cave in
In your arms, I found security and love

My friends would wonder why I spent so much more time with you than with them
But they just don't understand the strong bond we have
You, alone I put my trust in
You never harm me, though we may argue at times
You stuck by me, though we may argue at times
You stuck by me even when I did my wrong
You always had my back
I wouldn't give you up for anything

But I ask myself this question
Where are you now?
I call you but you don't pick up
I write you but you don't write back
I tried to get to your parents but they aren't around
I tried your friends; they say you are out of town
Where are you?
Why didn't you tell me you were gone?
I would have come along with you
I would have died with you

I know the story now that you are not here anymore
Its hard to believe that you left this world before me
Why you, why not me?
People say you were at the wrong place at the wrong time
But I don't believe that
I believe you knew where you were going
You knew who you were going to meet
And you knew you were going to die
Why you do this?
Why did you leave me?
I am so upset with you it’s hard to breathe
I am upset at God for taking you away from me
Everyone keeps telling me its time to move on, it’s time to say goodbye
But I cant, I need to know the truth
I need to know the life you were hiding from me
The other side of you I never knew.