The Weight of His Skin

I haven't anything to say, but, you have a way with words.

I'm not sure I caught the whole idea/subject behind it, but still, it was beautiful. Your poetry sometimes does take a few reads for me to understand... ><

Wow - SUperstar incan.

Love the structure, the whole regular and change to more lines to add power to the final verse.

The imagery is nice in the first and second verses.

The only thing I would say is I may have totally missed the conclusion to th epoem, I probably dont understand it. What exactly is the poem about?

To me this poem spelled something about the premature loss of childhood -- tryng to grow up too fast, trying to escape home too fast.

The idea of "spreading one's wings" but then of having "nowhere to run" and the mother's heart that he can't get rid off, the feeling of guilt.

It feels like the narrator feels guilty about leaving home too quickly, or trying to grow up too quickly? That's what I took from this poem I loved the stanza about a mother's heart, the word "indelible" was perfect.

Great, Brad.

in open air markets
[s]and[/s] five o’clock shadows
fell onto precocious cheeks.

The two topics proposed here are unrelated, and seeing as the rest of the poem is abrupt language without a single extra word, my suggestions are to just make a new sentance. It's a good last sentance, anyway, so you might as well give the image all the gravity it deserves.

All:


This poem is about getting tattoos.


Best,
Bad

Well, Bad, I did not take that from it, haha.

...you still have to cut "and".

Incandescence wrote:All:


This poem is about getting tattoos.


Best,
Bad

God, it makes so much sense now. I didn't realize that when I read the poem. Perhaps it wasn't obvious enough, although now it seems supremely obvious, which points to another cause: I might have just been too stupid to get it.

I disagree with xanthan; keep the "and". It could go, but I like it the way it is, and it didn't seem out of place when I read the poem.

The title fits so well, I just adore it! ...In kind of a creepy tattooish way.

Colleen

P.S. Do consider changing your name to "Bad". It would be ironic because your poetry is VERY good.

I like it a lot, especially the last stanza. The only part I didn't like was this:

across open wings;
tracks seen through the eye of an eagle.

the last two lines of the first stanza. It seemed muddled and unstructured compared to the rest of the poem, and it didn't really add anything, because as a description it was too confusing to get a clear image, and my meager brain couldn't extract a relevant symbol or metaphor or anything that would let me know those lines meant something. (I'm sure it does have meaning and purpose, I'm just not getting it.) Otherwise, a fine poem, with an interesting topic to boot. Good work.

When you explain it all clicks, however if this was clearer then the poem would be much better. I love it even more now I know its about tatoos.

Well done, the imagery, I repeat is gorgeous.

i have to admit, without reading the rest of the topic, i didn't understand this. yes, it's good imagery, yes, it's very well written, but i couldn't, and still can't for that matter, see how you're meant to deduce that its tattoo's without being told. and surely thats something you have to be able to take from a poem on first reading.

i think thats my only problem, but it's a major problem. it took away from a brilliant poem, because i finished and thought "yeah, so what? what have i just read?"

All -


I appreciate all the feedback on this piece.

Unfortunately, about 70% of its readership deduced it was about tattoos without my saying, so I'm not real sure what it is I can say except that poetry results in the active participation of its readers. The theme of tattoos is, honestly, blatant and, in many respects, poorly concealed.

Ah well!


Cheers,
Brad

but wouldn't take be so much better as 95%? you've had so many people in this topic say "what was it about?", and that could do with rectifying.

Actually, I cursed myself for not thinking about it more. It's probably more my fault for not thinking about it enough rather than a failure on Brad's part.

I think the case is that people don't really espect a poem about tattoos -- mostly it's love and heartbreak yadda yadda, so we go into poetry reading on this site with a certain expectation and thus fail to read with a proper open mind.

Read the poem again and you should be able to see the subtlety a little better.

You say this is about Tattoos, but i don't see how it fits. I mean, since you stated it, it seems to fit well. I just couldn't get that fact from just reading it. I got the feeling you were talking about how a young boy was feeling the pain of the pain that lead to his future. It is a nice poem all the same.