Perception

They told me
I was beautiful.
But the mirror
revealed lies.

They told me
I was talented.
The mirror said
otherwise.

So I wrapped
a string of pearls,
‘round my neck
so very tight.

And the girl
in the mirror
looked beautiful
that night.

*shudders* I really liked it! Pearls....and necks... you chose very nice words!!

I felt like I wanted a little more from the third and fourth stanza, but I'm not sure...what.

Your rhythm... the pattern starts to get freaked out after a while.

They told me-3
I was beautiful.-5
But the mirror-4
revealed lies. -3

its not much of a pattern, but it does....work. so its good Thats not my complaint.

Heres where it gets messed up:

So I wrapped-3
a string of pearls,-4
‘round my neck-3
so very tight.-4

You got away from the original pattern created. Can I suggest a change?

So I wrapped
A String of white pearls
‘round my neck so
very tight.

You can change it how you want, but now it has the same pattern as the first two stanzas.

And the girl-3
in the mirror-4
looked beautiful-4
that night.-2

The girl in
my broken mirror
looked beautiful
that night.

I changed "the" to "my" because its more personal. I moved it around a bit, the last line was only two syllables so i made the previous stanza end in only two syllables. I think it works better this way

It wasn't all that bad, and I hope me sticking my fingers in your poem didn't hurt!

I like the simplicity. oh, one thing though! Take the period off and the end of the second line in the first stanza!

perfect!

I liked this poem a lot when I first read it, but after reading Claudette's corrections, I loved it! Great job, and I agree, I looved the part about pearls and necks =)

Keep writing!

The poem was simple and good.

Though I wanted somethig more out of it.

The poem may need Claudette's corrections.

Good job!

~Ani~

i wanted more from the end. it seemed that this had a lot of promise, but didn't furfil it in my eyes.

and Claudette's changes don't make it perfect. i can't put my finger on it, but it still lacks. i think trying to continue the pattern like Claudette is suggesting takes away from the poem by making it slightly to mechanical when reading it. if a pattern becomes repetitive, then the poem becomes repetitive. its your choice, but I'd go against it to avoid repetition when reading. i think that breaking away from the pattern is exactly what the girl wants to do when she wraps the pearls around her neck, so perhaps it would make more sense to create a new pattern for verses 3 and 4, rather than taking Claudette's idea of keeping things the same

good work, could use some work on it still though.

I is a very simple poem. Not to much meaning or feeling, but I like it all the same.

I like it, it's really good. I like how you use 'the' mirror, because it makes it less personal and kind of removes emotion from it, but shows how the person wants to leave emotion behind. A kind of stubborn sadness.

I think Claudette got most things.

I love this poem, its really powerful. The rhyming of last lines just "works"

Put Claudettes suggestions into practice and we have a nice little poem here.