Trapped Over 13

My Pillow is wet with tears again.
Another person left behind.
Am I that forgettable?
Doesn’t anyone notice me?
Remember my name?
See my face?
Doesn’t anyone want to find me?
In this place so close to hell.

Damned to eternal solitude.
Trapped in this place that has long grown cold.
If only I were somebody with acceptance.
Somebody can say my name knowing its me.

Stranded alone.....
Stranded in a room that’s been flooded so long.
I can feel it soaking in....
Forever trapping me inside myself.





If your read it please leave a post to tell me what you though!!!!

I really like the line "Am I that forgettable." but overall it was very general and it didn't seem to evoke much in me.

This poem has potential but I think it could do with some tweaking. I like the first line of the first stanza, it got me intrigued.
However I didint like these lines, they seem forced to me like your struggling to get your message across.

Doesn’t anyone notice me?
Remember my name?
See my face?
Doesn’t anyone want to find me?

The first line of the second stanza is brilliant, I really like it. You probably don't need the exclamation mark in the second line and the last two lines of this stanza really don't make sense to me.

The last stanza I think is nicely done, it seems songlike to me and flows really nicely. Hope my comments have helped you.

The line 'Damned to eternal solitude' seemed over dramatic, but i do like the imagery of room overflowing of tears, perhaps if you build on that idea or be more specific as to why this person is so alone and ignored. Be fresh and bring something new to the table

I really like this...I just think the this should have gone in the Lyric section. Also, the title and the first line are sort of sappy.

I thought this was decently good. It had some evoking (yes, I stole that word from someone elses post) details. The only part I particularly didn't like was:

If only I were somebody with acceptance.
Somebody can say my name knowing its me.

Saying the word 'somebody' twice in a row makes it sound a little choppy.

Overall, nicely done.

"Trapped in this place that has long grown cold," - nice line.

nice, i liked it. not fully sure on the repetitive questons, i have a thing for that. but that's jsut me anyway. not particulairy sure about the title, maybe something a bit more inviting, coz it made me think of a poem about turning into a teen. but anyway, i like it, keep up the good work

I like the subject but I think you should expand on your ideas for this piece. Make it alittle more detailed as well. Good start. :]
Keep working on this.

Gosh, I really liked this. The reall reason I came here is to see what a lyric poem is for writing class and I find this fantastic poem. The last stanza was great. I just loved it. the line "Trapped in a room that's long grown cold" was amazing. You have a great ability to write poems. Please continue.
MV