loss

Stories of my heart

I gave it away, and it was lost,
I held it close, and it broke,
If I locked it away,
Would it be safe?
If I buried it deep,
Would it be out of reach?
For the storms of time have removed all hope,
The destruction of others,
Have left but fragments of what once was.
And what is left is no more,
Than the stories of my heart.

Ok this seemed a little random and spontanious. Some flow was there but on the whole I arnt sure If I like it.

Try and write on a subject, place or theme before you go into vagueness.

It didn't really capture my attention like i feel poems should do, especially when working on a poem that discusses Loss. i found that it didn't seem to flow perfectly.

it began well, the first two lines flowed excellently. but i think it went a little downhill after that. it lost something (not intentional pun) as it went on, that caused the whole poem to lose flow, which is needed throughout the entire thing.

I don't think that the title really fits with what you write about in this poem and the last two lines just come out of nowhere... at least that's how I see it. This poem was good keep it up!

au revoir

~~*Judi Patootie*~~