this is a battleground

cigarette smoke hangs in the air like gunsmoke,
the sofa has become a battleground.
its soft cushions hold nothing but fear.
my policy is appeasement - i distract you with kisses.

your hands are weapons, lying idly by your side,
waiting to strike. i watch them wearily.
your eyes say war declared but it's a phoney war,
stillness reigns. tension laces through the room.

i use the interim to brace myself,
i wait for your lips to find mine.
you push me back - battle begun.
a relentless blitzkrieg, i am being blown up.

i am rubble now, broken down.
but little by little, i gain my ground.
i stumble for the door, your hands wipe at nothing.
victory tastes like crisp winter air.

All's fair in love and war, eh?

cigarette smoke hangs in the air like gunsmoke,
the sofa has become a battleground.
its soft cushions hold nothing but fear.
my policy is appeasemnet - i distract you with kisses.

I dislike the repeat of smoke in the first line. And you had a simple typo in "appeasement".
Semi-colon between gunsmoke and sofa.

your hands are weapons, lying idley
by your side, waiting to strike.
i watch them wearily. your eyes say war declared
but it's a phoney war, stillness reigns.

Idly. Phony. A semi-colon between war and stillness. This stanza wasn't quite as strong. It didn't put much on the table.

i use the interim to brace myself,
i wait for your lips to find mine.
you push me back - battle begun.
a relentless blitzkrieg, i am being blown up.

I like this one! It might be because of the use of blitzkrieg, but hey...
Well, the "blown up" part might be a little over the top. Use something less, erm, explosive, or find a different way to say it.

i am rubble now, broken down.
but little by little, i gain my ground.
i stumble for the door, your hands wipe at nothing.
victory tastes like crisp winter air.

Down-ground slant rhyme intentional? Semi-colon between door and your.
Interesting...has this narrator just said no to sex or left an abusive relationship? Ah, health class.

This one was an interesting read. Hurrah for military references and whatnot.

Colleen

I unfortunetly don't get a few parts in it. if its cuz im just stupid let me know.



what does the ciggarette smoke have to do with anything?
If the girl won then how come she was rejected the kiss?
Did she not honestly want the kiss?
when she declared victory was it like a break up or something?
I didn't get the hands part at the end.


I know I'm not the smartest crayola in the box.