Christmas Eve, Waiting

Ah, I really enjoyed reading this Brad. Unlike some of your more abstract pieces, lol, this is great. Imagery was awesome and it flowed extremely well. Just enjoyable really.

Have a good one.

Yes, this does tell a story and paints a picture in your mind! It's so sad...especially the part about the,

This is a setting sun
lighting the face of a dying father,
the sagging hall, only enough moonlight to catch the gravel road,
the newspaper delivery kicking up mud along its shoulder.

(of course the newspaper part isn't really sad...)

Okay...Now I feel a little bit dense. Either that or I'm more tired than I think I am. Because I honestly cannot get into that poem. I'm like, reading it and the odd line juts me out of place.

For example

as my grandfather toes the white shells
of expired turtles. Bittersweet

Oookay. So, is it your grandfather nudging the white shells with his toes or are you the grandfather and you're gazing down at your toes admist the shells or...You see my problem? I'm looking at it, and the meaning just...evades me grar!

Even in the dark I see him pull at his boots,
distended belly always in the way.
He goes out on the porch for a smoke
and to feel how the morning wind can still
kick up the life in him. February is for beginning,
a month he will not see.

I LIKE this...even if it -is- sad. I could actually see the father, I presume, and even 'you' in the poem as an older person, reminiscing about days gone by. It's sweet.

I probably didn't help much...it's not such a great crit, but at least I picked on -something- rather than just praising you. Let's all be non-conformists together!

And yes, I said I'm tired. I'm dangerously random while tired, be warned.

~Chibi

I agree with Chibi...this piece does have some things that are a little hard to interpret. I especially had a problem with getting the grandfather-father characters straight. The different places/times/people weren't really distinct enough? Is that the word I'm looking for? Hmm...I'm not entirely sure what to make of that.

The imagery in here is amazing, though...it really made me feel something. The descriptions of the wilderness are beautiful and accurate; they make me think of my home in a rural area before I moved to the suburbs. The last stanza was kind of...bittersweet...


Nothing else to say.
Colleen

I absolutely loved this poem. It was so perfect.

Brad,

I loved this poem. I have no critiques because this is much better than anything I would be able to write at my age. But i really enjoyed reading it.

au revoir

~~*Judi Patootie*~~