Wow I love it. I can feel the emotion when i read it as well. It gave me chills. I really enjoyed reading it. What I would give to be able to write as well as you do.
"This was my first bus ride."
----Ardeth Bay from the Mummy Returns
I liked it alot. I think you should break up some of the longer lines.
Quote "in magazines now, partnered to happily-ever-after cautionary tales"
Should be split after the comma.
Quote "and no quantity of granules sprinkled over wet-spotted pillowcases "
Should be split after garnukes.
It just a suggestion so you don't have to split tje lines if you don't want to.
May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death. — An Unknown Bride, Leap Year
