Unlikely Messiah - a poem about Drunkism

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12 inch sandwich grasped in my hand
gonna finish it, i'll be damned
bright lights alive in the night-time
dry throat, bit of pepsi i'll be fine
talking idly to someone i don't know
check my watch, almost time to go...

he charges in
with eyes of a god


"anyone got a lighter?" he squeals
in his divinely drunken drone
we shake our heads, but stare in wonder
"you look like that guy from pink floyd",
he splutters. i'm incredibly bewildered -
but he sings, "We don't need no education"
with his fist in the air, like he just don't care.
and he stares at me and Lundy,
with magnificent eyes, and he cries -
"You should be the leaders of all of us!"
and runs away.
he's back, though, a minute later
and screams "Hey Teacher, leave us kids alone!"
but this time, disappears forever.

a puff of smoke
and he's gone
a messiah
an unlikely messiah


--------

I don't want any critique. This is a joke you probably won't get.




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...Are you still drunk, Firestarter.

And I do get it, after reading the Drunkism thing in the random board.

It was pretty good, at times it was choppy but I liked it (although you said not to critique it).
Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.




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Firestarter wrote:12 inch sandwich grasped in my hand
gonna finish it, i'll be damned
bright lights alive in the night-time
dry throat, bit of pepsi i'll be fine
talking idly to someone i don't know
check my watch, almost time to go...


I know you said don't critique it but I did like how you rhymed in this :D

lol
ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα




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This poem made me burst out laughing...ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY after reading the rules of Drunkism. Cool. It's just so...strange and completely idiotic. Well done.
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Very idiotic...oh sorry....uh...*runs away*

It was pretty cool for a gag about Drunkism.
Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.




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I got a kick out of it. Funny stuff, man.
"You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun." -Al Capone




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Hehehe. That was quite amusing. Loved the Pink Floyd reference. :)
Very funny, Scotty. Now please beam down my clothes.




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12 inch sandwich grasped in my hand
gonna finish it, i'll be damned - Don't force rhyming.
bright lights alive in the night-time
dry throat, bit of pepsi i'll be fine - try a comma after pepsi.
talking idly to someone i don't know
check my watch, almost time to go...

he charges in
with eyes of a god

"anyone got a lighter?" he squeals - squeals? no man squeals, not evena drunken one.
in his divinely drunken drone
we shake our heads, but stare in wonder
"you look like that guy from pink floyd",
he splutters. i'm incredibly bewildered -
but he sings, "We don't need no education"
with his fist in the air, like he just don't care. - Seriously, you are forcing these rhymes.
and he stares at me and Lundy, - Who's Lundy?
with magnificent eyes, and he cries -
"You should be the leaders of all of us!"
and runs away.
he's back, though, a minute later
and screams "Hey Teacher, leave us kids alone!" - He's drunk, not mentally disabled.
but this time, disappears forever.

a puff of smoke
and he's gone
a messiah
an unlikely messiah


What.. the.. heck. You forced those rhymes. This poem would be so much better if it rhymed. I guess drunken people sometimes are idiots... but some of it was random.
I've never met a drunken person, so I don't know :))
I think you could do much better with this poem.
You're a pretty good poet.
KEEP WRITING!!
Got YWS?




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Dude, this is so old, it's not even funny. I wasn't even around YWS then! XD

But really. You and your sandwiches. You're crazy! XD
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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Haha! Funny.

I love that song. You know, the ducation one? Don't know what it's called. Yeah... that one. Ahhhhh, good times, good times.
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*




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Aw, all the awesome ancient kids posted on this.

I saw the title and knew it had to be from either you or Bek. Ah, good days. And the world was created by oranges or something, right? Almost as good as when you were talking to us about weapons and crazy pink sheep...

Oh wow. I love this. XD

<3!
Love and Light




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Even though you don't want a critique, I just want to say that this poem is awesome. The ryming of it is fluid and the picture it gave me was fun.
"When you need a stress relief, simply count to twenty. If you get to twenty and your still mad, go to a hundred. If you are mad after that, then go find some anger management, because we seriously have just wasted two minutes."-- Jazz




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:lol:

This is so old--yet still funny, Jacko Smacko. Bravo?
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