My hysteria

2 posts
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Gabrielle
Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:26 pm
Gabrielle says... · Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:26 pm
They know not of my age
nor do they care
the influence of despoliation induces hatred
my criminal ravishment
permeates through me
feelings profound
shadows flaunt freedom
my hysteria is nauseating
God looked upon the earth, and behold it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth.
-Genesis 6:12
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Incandescence
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 915
Fri Dec 08, 2006 9:00 am
Incandescence says... · Fri Dec 08, 2006 9:00 am
Gabrielle,


The only thing nauseating is this stanza. It does not work as a stand-alone nor will it work in conjunction with anything else.

Get rid of it.


Best,
Brad
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson
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2 posts


If it wasn't for poetry, I couldn't express myself.
— Rosendorn