on cirrus and citrus

4/16/25

emacs

1. begin by typing `emacs` in your terminal to open the text editor.
2. remember that C-[a] means to press the control key and whatever key '[a]' represents at the same time. remember also that M-[a] means the same, but with the meta (or alt) key.
3. use C-x C-f to find and open a file. search for the name you call yourself when you are alone.
4. begin the story you wish you could write. before you finish a line, use C-a to go to the beginning and C-k to kill your half-written dreams.
5. begin again. this time, write until your past is lapping at your heels. use M-< to return to the beginning and C-s to search for the fragments of your ancestors. send them one last farewell.
6. page down with C-v until you can go no further. see the black horizon stretch out beyond your green cursor. this is your future.
7. use C-x C-c to exit. shake your head when the system asks you if you would like to save the file.

4/17/25

i'm afraid my creative juices are out of stock

funny how we call them creative juices. like, what are we juicing? do we drink these creative juices? what do they taste like?
i'd like to imagine my creative juices taste like orange juice with a splash of lemon and a teaspoon of rain and the thought of a sky full of cumulus clouds.

4/18/25

assembly

i spent six hours reading assembly today,
poring over instructions that are more readable than
pure ones and zeros, but still not like high-level python or c++.
and i enjoyed it more than i’ve enjoyed homework in years.
i watched data being transferred between registers with mov,
floated along with the program flow as it jumped between sections,
predicted the paths the program would take after comparing registers.
and so i weave it into poetry.

mov $0x0, %you # because you, like all people, start from zero
add %time, %you # and accumulate memories over time.
cmp %you, %me # i hate to admit it, but i can’t help but compare the two of us.
je .equality # i can jump to safety if we are equal. but.
cmp %me, %me2 # if we are not, i fear the problem is me and who i could be.
shl $0x1, %me # i try to double myself,
sub $0x8, %me # but my doubts subtract from my value.
ret # perhaps all i can do is return.

4/19/25

and it feels like every year i run out of time, so here are some worries for the present about the future

is it possible
that, like many others, i’ll
soon be obsolete?

4/20/25

tech

technically technocratic
two technicians
take tools to tinker
technology teaches
terabytes
technicolor times

4/21/25

10 pm musings

if a tree falls with no one around,
does it still make a sound?
i think it rather depends on what you consider to be sound—
waves of alternating high and low air pressure?
or does it only become sound once interpreted by ears?
if one’s moral code falls with no one around,
does it still make a sound?
funny how two people can have contradictory moral codes
i don’t think i like how the word "right" is so subjective.

4/22/25

networking

i actively avoid networking events
if they involve humans.
there's something that makes my skin crawl
about social gatherings with the purpose
of increasing your connections and job prospects.
(can't one get a job based on skill alone?
why must you know a friend of a relative of an
ex-girlfriend of a roommate of a friend?)
but networking protocols, as in how data
flows between devices in a network?
that, i'd like to learn more of.
transmission control protocol (tcp) - ensures data is delivered reliably.
user datagram protocol (udp) - prioritizes speed. some data may be lost.
and sometimes i wish we humans operated using tcp
but it must be udp because i think not all my words are heard,
and sometimes i don't understand you.
(i'd like to hear your lost words.)

4/23/25

waiting for the library to open

the sign says no loitering between the hours of 9 p.m. and 9 a.m. but it is 9:54 a.m. so i am likely fine
the sky is grey/gray/the color of un-roasted marshmallows dropped in the fine ashes of a long-cold campfire
how long has it been since i simply stood and waited i guess maybe in the elevator but excluding that
i am still waiting and now i remember a conversation in which we discussed whether sleep counts as waiting and if so if we spend a third of our lives waiting
but is it still waiting if i am writing poetry what does it mean to be present in your life as you wait
and at present it is 9:58 a.m. and the doors are still dark and i think i will wait a while longer

4/24/25

a reminder to myself in another universe

i know you feel like sisyphus sometimes.
the hill feels endless and your boulder grows heavier by the day.
and not everything can be solved with some rhymes,
but there are a couple of things i’d like to say:

please, take a moment to lift your eyes to the sky.
spare a moment for the marvelous clouds,
try to let there be awe mixed into your sigh.
take some time for yourself, away from the crowds.

i know you feel inadequate, like you’re not enough,
like you’re falling behind and will never catch up.
try to remember the good when it gets tough–
smile at a chirping bird, a waving tree, a cute pup.

and maybe i sound paper-thin when i try to be positive,
and too often i forget to count my blessings.
but maybe this is also how i figure out how i want to live–
through half-baked, half-raw musings.

4/26/25
(will be counting this as 4/25/25’s poem… forgot to poet yesterday oops)

more things i wish for

i’ve always scoffed at the hyperbole in love songs and poems.
how could you say you’ll love them until the end of the earth when you’ll die within the century?
you say your love is as endless as the sea, but the sea is finite.
you compare your love’s eyes to the night sky, to the ocean, to coffee, to honey.
try being more original, would you? like the color of matsutake mushrooms, or oxidized copper.
i think the world would be a better place if people dedicated less effort to writing yet another cliche love poem
and more to writing creative poems on potatoes, or platonic friendships, or appreciating this one world we live on.

4/26/25

time travel

i think it's funny how much i've encountered time travel this month.

1. my camp novmo novel idea
2. a cs assignment to make tic-tac-toe with time travel
3. a game involving sending pilots back in time

it's also funny how much we try to fight the current of time.
searching for fountains of youth, writing stories of stumbling across artifacts to turn back time, rewriting history…
(i'm happy in this timeline, but i do think it'd be cool to be able to peek into alternate timelines.)
though, i do think my poetic inspiration may have jetted off on a trip to somewhere in the future…
hopefully i'll find it soon.