“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
i have spent so long dissecting my life like im a cadaver as they tried to peel back the few layers of memory i had left.
somewhere between the atria and the ventricles i learned that the heart is not a poet's metaphor. i see it as an organ i survive on.
myocetes contracting in perfect rythym, pumping stillness through a network of capillaries--
it fills my arteries with what i thought was the cure for pestilence.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
it has been a while since we flatlined, darling. have you been waiting for a pulse? there's no systole, no diastole-- just silence.
give me the scalpel. i can make the first incision at the jugular drag it down, past the sternum--
no. stop. focus. watch the flesh part as the pericardium swells. isn't it beautiful?
you grab my wrist and instead, i examine his hands philanges stiff, metacarpals still curled nail beds tinged cyanotic as if even in death--
he was still holding on.
quit crying and hand me the forceps.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
the hypothalamus does not know the difference between hunger and longing. we keep mistaking emptiness for apetite and craving for attention.
my personal dopamine drips low and i have become accustomed to the slow ache of depletion.
they say that touch is medicine that skin holds memory like scar tissue but my dermis is numb from too many phantom hands that never stayed.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
Ahhh!! I'm loving your thread. The aesthetic? The poems? Everything is wonderful. I especially love the lines "i learned that the heart is not/a poet's metaphor. i see it/as an organ i survive on" and the entire first stanza of dysrhythmia. Super excited to see you get properly started!!
They/he
“the wist i knew would never allow a straight boy in their stories” ~Omni “Hi Omni can I request wist get the role mom friend :]" ~winter “ah yes, fear Wist's smile :) <- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
i told the doctor i was dying. he told me that my heart was not actually broken.
i wish he would say that to my ventricle to my muscle that collapsed and fell on itself stunned, paralyzed, useless.
tell that to my ekg spitting out waveforms that don't make sense to my monitors that keep screaming like alarms to the hands on my chest pressing
pressing pressing pressing as if they can coax me back into rhythm.
doctor, tell that to my ribs aching from something that isn't even there to my lungs, who've forgotten to expand without him.
i told the doctor i felt sick but he said i just have a condition and a condition isn't a disease.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
there's something about the way flesh gives and takes, soft and sometimes unwilling-- like the last breath before surrender, when you stop pretending that you've ever been whole.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
the blockage left me desperate breathless and filled with rot. i was once a flood a rushing black river swelling with deoxygenated longing as i dragged the ruin of my body back home.
my mother told me that my intima was frayed and my endothelium was peeling like old parchment but really, my clots were curling like prayers in my lumen and they just broke lose into sudden bursts of grief.
my father told me i was venous stasis because my body was drowning in itself my blood kept pooling at my legs until they were purple and swollen and my veins twisted into vericose confessions.
and to this day, i can still feel myself collapsing, similar to an aneurysm blooming exactly at midnight but when i rupture, will they remember what a beautiful and tragic river i was?
who, if anyone, will carry back what i lost?
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
Gosh the vocab words and so cool to see in a poem! It's evocative and has me gagged! Happy beginning of NaPo!!!!
I won't go down by myself, but I'll go down with my friends I'm taking back the life you stole Came a time when every star fall brought you to tears again
the walls shift when i look away. humming static never stops, tight as a noose but as electric as a wire; my knees buckle and somehow i am tachycardic, my own pulse feels foreign as if it is something borrowed.
someone is always speaking. i have noticed that their voice has been woven into the fluorescents-- logorrhea swallows syntax each word is half-formed before the one that follows devours it.
the brain is not a wound that can be stitched. so i claw and scratch and scream until the tissue wraps around my bones and the voice finally stops.
eventually, the world will rupture but i wonder if i will ever feel it.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
my forensics professor used to tell me that gravity always won in the end.
i remember watching educational lectures about how the hemoglobin sinks, and the narrator would stress that there is no reversal, no resuscitation, no hands that will force the blood back to where it belonged.
i studied cadavers and always wondered if i touched them, could they feel it?
i always like to think that the body fights and pushes to its limit to stay alive. but how could i even think that?
i don't know what it feels like for someone to push their fingers into my limbs-- and i have never seen the blood bloom as they did.
i do not deserve to stand in their presence.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
she left a hole beneath my skin where mitochondrion settles where blood carries her cravings through my dna.
i sew myself shut at night tighten the threads around my muscles but the knot always slips because the wound always sees her in my shaky hands that can barely hold a line.
but i still stitch. i don't want to forget, i want to live with the scar mostly because it reminds me that i am still alive.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
your breath suddenly becomes dyspnea you say you're "fine" but your pupils will betray you your palms begin to sweat and there is no safe word.
the memories, though buried eventually, slither down your spine fires through your nervous until it tightens your jaw in your sleep.
it is never forgettable. nothing is forgettable.
“Ley moves and I am a couple feet behind, waiting.” - winterwolf0100 “Ley you will be fine because we all have magic powers that will protect you.” - WeepingWisteria
