The Grassy Hill

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‘See that hill, the one hidden away, out of sight?
If you sit and wait, quiet-like, watching till night,
You might see something few have seen before,
A rare vision gleaned straight from old folk-lore.
A something hidden, something secret,
Something I doubt you will ever forget.

‘Hush now, the sun has finally gone,
Do you hear it, that faint wafting song?
Sit sit, do not move, else you might not see
This mystery, this beauty I know you want to be.
Look there! Do you see it, see the slight change?
Patience now, if you want to see it, you will manage.

‘Do you see them as they peer out,
Searching for watchers they’re sure to be about?
The little creatures that shy from Man,
And search the grass around their little door,
Though they freeze at all they think they saw.

‘Hush, hush. Ah! Here she comes from below
The minuscule little lady that runs this show.
The regally glowing Queen of the creatures hidden
Beneath the surface of mortal woes to gladden
The heavy heart with joyful dreams
Where nothing is what it seems.

‘She throws gleefully coloured balls
Deep within her soil crafted halls,
Where all the creatures come to dance
And hope to make a memorable entrance
Before their delicate crystal Queen,
Ruler of the Realm of the Mortal Dream.

‘There, you see her now, her crystal form
Glinting in the moonlight as though torn
From the mysteries of a half remembered dream,
A delicate nightmare that makes you want to scream?
Do you see her, the delicate crystal beauty of her,
And in seeing the ethereal beauty of her, do you fear her?

‘Now, now, don’t look at me like that
You know this is not fantasy, but fact.
Can you not feel the urge, feel the need
To turn and run with a blood-curdling scream?
Her fragile form holds an ice-cold heart,
You would know this, if you were smart.

‘See her subjects, as bright as bright can be
Dancing joyous in coloured gaiety,
They twirl, spin and dance,
Their performance’s sole purpose is to entrance
The unseen watcher beneath the full-moon
Knowing that helpless, they will come out of hiding soon.

‘There, the magic is set, the trap is ready,
Will you resist, though the urge to move is heady?
You want to join them, surely there is no harm,
Not a movement, not a twitch that might cause alarm?
The twirling dance goes on and on
Moving to the distant wafting song.

‘Your finger twitches, tapping in time with the soft beat
And before long, it is joined by both your feet.
Go on then, go and join them. Stand.
For after all, you are only a mortal Man.
So stand and go, yes you will,
And dance with them, into the grassy hill.’

Some faint sense twines through the spell
As the hill closed behind him, tolling a death-knell.
He turns and tries to run and flee
But the song snatches him up with glee
And gently sweeps clean his mind
Till there is not a thought to find.

‘Welcome to my Realm, the world beneath the surface,
A world filled with lies and endless grace.
You shall know, no more, no hate nor joy.
Well mortal, did you like my crystal decoy?
There, there, mortal, no need to cry
Though you will never again see the sky.

‘Little mortal, you came to me willingly,
Though I lured you with words, you see
There is none to blame but yourself,
But you will not grow old and placed on a shelf,
This age is yours to forever enjoy
While you spend eternity as my mortal toy.’

And in so hearing the mortal cried,
Wept for the death longed for and denied.
Their fate sealed as they danced under the hill,
Not knowing the Queen moved in for the kill.
Now they spend eternity at the feet of the Ice-Queen
Soundlessly screaming, in this nightmare of a Dream.
I speak with abscences, my lips move but no sound escapes; my life is but an eternal darkness searching for it's light.




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Moved.
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson




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I noticed. I just didn't know where to put it is all.Thanks anyways. :?
I speak with abscences, my lips move but no sound escapes; my life is but an eternal darkness searching for it's light.




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Brilliant imagery. I love the story behind it.

It didn't follow the same pattern and meter, though, with some clauses rhyming and others not.

Well done.




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This was different. Which I liked. Its very long though,,, I don't have time to sit here and go through all of it... no matter how much I want to.
I would say it is sort of narrative poetry!!! (Your talking to your audience,) but hey, whatever.

What I liked:

˜Hush now, the sun has finally gone" That was a wicked opening. Loved it! I liked the fact that you started the poem off so that the reader feels they need tp be quiet, you get us wondering why we have to be quiet and build up the tension surely but slowly :D

"The little creatures that shy from Man" Now that was great imagery :D I like a big picture for my imagination to ponder on whilst I read :D

"The heavy heart with joyful dreams
Where nothing is what it seems"
This flows really well, I probably liked this bit the most. The alliteration and the rhyme :D very nice.


What I didn't like:


"Patience now, if you want to see it, you will manage."
This didn't seem to fit in with what you were saying and the last word kind of jutted out and made it awkward...


"Though they freeze at all they think they saw" What??? Huh!! Ok, what is this meant to mean? Does it need punctuation to make sense or what?

˜She throws gleefully coloured balls
Deep within her soil crafted halls"
Ok, as we get deeper into your poem it gets more and more confusing. It doesn't make sense!

Well I got to go now, good luck with the editing.

Much love, Lexy xxxx
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. - Peter O'Toole




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Hmm...yeah. Alright, a bi of clarification here....since I honestly don't know how to do it in the poem. -_-

You managed to find all the parts that I didn't know how to finish the line. Trust me, what is in there are the better attempts.
Think of the metaphore and England. The 'balls' are like, the party things that the nobility throw where everyone gets all dressed up in a 'balldress' and tuxedos etc. The 'soil crafted walls' essentially means that the ballroom is underground.

'They freeze at all they think they saw' how else to say that they start and like, stop moving because a shadow of a treebranch or the like, moved?

But thanks Lexy, at home I only get 'yeah, that was great!' which does wonders for my ego but doesn't help me to improve -_-
I speak with abscences, my lips move but no sound escapes; my life is but an eternal darkness searching for it's light.




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Overall, I liked this alot. I really like the storyline, and you're imagery is lovely. However, the rhyme really needs work, try to make it more consistent. Some stanzas rhymed nicely, whilst others didn't rhyme or were very forced. That really distracted me from the storyline.

Otherwise, very nice work on this. Keep writing! :D
"I myself am composed entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."- Augusten Burroughs




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A magical poem! I was just going to skim over your poem to see if it was worth reading, and before I knew it you had swept me into your own little imaginary world. I agree with some of the other folks that some of the rhyming is a little forced, but I was so caught up in the story that I hardly even noticed these problems while I was reading it the first time.
By dabbing eternity with life we put the finger on energy. Thus: Life is finger lickin' good!



Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.
— Maya Angelou