Ora's Poetry Avenue

disappointment takes us by surprise
date written: June 26th, 2024

cw: mention of self-harm

younger me always thought about what i’d be like
what i do and how i act
and how i must have everything figured out by now
right?
then where are the accomplishments
where are the memories
where is the person i imagined who
would be laughing
would be helping
would be working
would be a good person
would be
me

because i’m not a good person
i can’t get anything done
i hurt and
i wreck and
i frown
but i can never cry

i can never cry for myself
when all i want to do is
crawl up in a corner and wish i never existed
i want to
cut myself so maybe i’ll learn to change
i want to
scream until tears run down my cheeks
(i never do)

i can never cry for others
when all their lives they struggled
and i can never see the way they hurt
when all they ever knew was fear
and i can never feel the way they felt
when they were all alone
and i can never be someone
who deserves love
like they do

i can never be a good person
like they are
maybe once i was
when my younger self was imagining the future
when she imagined me

had she seen me
maybe she would’ve cried for the person i’ve become
maybe she would’ve hated me and screamed at me
maybe she would’ve changed
maybe she would’ve forgiven me

i know i disappointed others
i never knew it would hurt this much
to be a disappointment to myself

Fireworks Against the Stars
Date Written: July 4th, 2024

The 4th of July means the day we become independent,
but not everyone knew and not everyone cared,
not until years later.

Independence Day meant lying on the beach and looking at fireworks,
as a spider crawls on your face.
And it meant forgetting the day existed
when you lived in another country.

The 4th of July meant looking for a spot on the river,
and being scared of no places left,
and of interacting with people just trying to do the same as you.

The 4th of July meant independence,
and all it means now is fireworks and scared animals.
Independence Day meant fun and stress and family and loneliness,
and now it seems like any other day.

Independence Day meant being a kid.
To have fun.
And to be scared.
Now, the 4th of July means grow up.
Be independent.
No one is going to hug you if you're scared anymore.

The 4th of July meant a lot of things, but
Independence Day means the 4th day in the month of July.
It's not that special,
but it's the day in America when we
blow up the sky.

Dropping by!

Spoiler

WHOAAA!! This poem was so good!! I love how you related what July 4 meant in the past what it meant in your past and what it means now! The note about forgetting where you came from is particularly interesting. In a way it symbolizes that we have forgotten in essence what July 4 means.

Independence Day meant being a kid.
To have fun.
And to be scared.
Now, the 4th of July means grow up.
Be independent.
No one is going to hug you if you're scared anymore.

That was my favorite stanza. I really felt the emotion you put into that. I remember July 4 being a fun day and like you said, now it's just like any other day-except annoyingly loud. And the independence you speak of there! Wow such a great twist on words! And that's the type of independence we don't like. We all just want to go back and be a little kid again. Brings a lot of nostalgia along those lines. Loved the piece!!

Aww, thank you so much @Spearmint and @Kaia!

Spoiler

It means a lot that you two spent time to comment on my little thread. I didn't expect anyone to comment on anything, so this truly made my day! I love both of your interpretations of everything it makes me so happy that a poem I wrote made you think ^^

What's Wrong with Me?
Date Written: July 26th, 2024

It's funny how a poem on its own won't raise any concerns
Even if the words in the piece are telling you the author is not okay
It doesn't mean as much when they write a long and lengthy poem
As opposed to a simple sentence
Somehow, you'll care more about the small act,
Rather than the tears and thought and effort drawn into a poem.

Maybe some of the best authors that can write scenes that make you cry
Are trying to show someone how they feel
And maybe they're wishing someone will see behind the words
And notice that they are hurting, too

Maybe people assume longer things like poetry
And stories
Are fictional
And the author exaggerates
And is not really in pain

Or maybe the audience just wasn't listening
Some will skim or skip words or stories or poems.
After all, it's all just sounds you've heard before.
(And I bet you didn't notice the title
And I bet you couldn't tell I've been crying)