obsession inspired by wisps of real and imagined laughter

ahh ant!! number 30!! so cool!

I guess I'm afraid of that too
don't forget me
my light will grow weak,
but you can keep it dim
This is the End.

great poem about everything ending for your final poem!

Hi Ant! I've got some poetry comments for you!

>> oceanic paradise

The duality between the seemingly perfect underwater paradise and the threat of drowning is interesting. I like how you've framed the poem as being spoken by people who live in this underwater paradise, as that makes the setting seem more vivid and alive. The line breaks are structured well, too, and I like that each line focuses on one image, for example the "thrashing thunderclouds" or the "tickling, gentle coral".

>> exchanging gazes

I like the rhythm of the lines:

examine their every move
where they pause in speech
the tone they carry in their voice

and

inspect how we use our hands
or whether we stroll or saunter
how we bend and twist our brows

It feels like it reflects the content of those words - the rhythm is sort of regular, which reflects how there are these detailed list-like items of things people observe about each other, perhaps to an obsessive degree.

The last line introduces a cool twist - "what is there to look at?" I think it suggests how people overinflate the significance of small gestures because they are so worried about how they are being perceived.

In general, I thought the line breaks in your poems were really well-placed and make the poems flow quite naturally.