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Is Your Kid a Goth?

Tessitore · 2005-02-01T23:12:23Z

I posted this in my blog and decided to put it here, too. I found this damned amusing: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Is your child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child. -Frequently wears black clothing. -Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. -Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish. -Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. -Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. -Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. -Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. -Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. -Takes drugs. -Drinks alcohol. -Is suicidal and/or depressed. -Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) -Complains of boredom. -Sleeps too excessively or too little. -Is excessively awake during the night. -Demands an unusual amount of privacy. -Spends large amounts of time alone. -Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) -Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. -Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. -Misbehaves at school. -Misbehaves at home. -Eats excessively or too little -Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. -Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) -Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. -Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. -Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. -Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. -Expresses an interest in sex. -Masturbates. -Is homosexual and/or bisexual. -Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. -Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". -Claims to be a goth. If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center. ~St. Mary's Catholic Church ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everyone gothic... raise your hands. *raises hand* The only ones I didn't get was: -Is suicidal and/or depressed. -Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) ...wow, I'm so damned...

MasterChief

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Thu Feb 03, 2005 7:27 pm

MasterChief says... · Thu Feb 03, 2005 7:27 pm

You only said that because you started it with your gothic kids should be slain crack.
Though i wasn't sure whether you were being serious or joking

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Incandescence

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Thu Feb 03, 2005 7:31 pm

Incandescence says... · Thu Feb 03, 2005 7:31 pm

Whaa? I gave my opinion on mythoology. This is not a political debate.

"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson

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hekategirl

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Thu Feb 03, 2005 8:04 pm

hekategirl says... · Thu Feb 03, 2005 8:04 pm

This is slightly offesive. And slightly funny :-)

I bet everyone who reads this list is considered a goth,
I'm considered a goth, but i'm way not goth.
That's why this so funny :-)

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hekategirl

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Thu Feb 03, 2005 8:04 pm

hekategirl says... · Thu Feb 03, 2005 8:04 pm

Actually, what i'm I saying. I'm total goth. Just look at my username.

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Tessitore

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Thu Feb 03, 2005 8:54 pm

Tessitore says... · Thu Feb 03, 2005 8:54 pm

Man, if this is a fake I'm going to be sad (though I admit that it's very possible). I was having so much fun with it. Randomly yelling, "YOU'RE GOTH!" to all my friends...

...and those poor, unsuspecting waitressess at the Waffle House...

I'm not even angry... I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me... And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
-"Still Alive"- GLaDOS

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Nate

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Thu Feb 03, 2005 9:03 pm

Nate says... · Thu Feb 03, 2005 9:03 pm

Tessitore wrote:...and those poor, unsuspecting waitressess at the Waffle House...

LOL

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electricbluemonkey

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Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:54 pm

electricbluemonkey says... · Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:54 pm

I just have a question...how in the hell is Count Chocula a gothic food?!

Oh yeah and, *raises hand*

Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.

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hekategirl

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Fri Feb 04, 2005 12:11 am

hekategirl says... · Fri Feb 04, 2005 12:11 am

ElectricBlueMonkey wrote:I just have a question...how in the hell is Count Chocula a gothic food?!

That part was hilararous :lol:

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electricbluemonkey

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Fri Feb 04, 2005 12:55 am

electricbluemonkey says... · Fri Feb 04, 2005 12:55 am

But really, COUNT CHOCULA?!

Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.

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Sam

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Fri Feb 04, 2005 1:06 am

Sam says... · Fri Feb 04, 2005 1:06 am

ONLY THE BEST CEREAL ON THE PLANET!!!!

ha ha...we seriously are goth

Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin

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electricbluemonkey

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Fri Feb 04, 2005 1:08 am

electricbluemonkey says... · Fri Feb 04, 2005 1:08 am

Yeah, I know, its so good. But that parts just...stupid...

Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.

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NovaRose

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Fri Feb 04, 2005 2:42 am

NovaRose says... · Fri Feb 04, 2005 2:42 am

What, and sleeping in is not?

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electricbluemonkey

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Fri Feb 04, 2005 3:33 am

electricbluemonkey says... · Fri Feb 04, 2005 3:33 am

...and you are talking to _______?

Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.

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Lingering_Shadow

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Fri Feb 04, 2005 5:01 am

Lingering_Shadow says... · Fri Feb 04, 2005 5:01 am

Woo. I'm a full-fledged goth. So that explains all the problems...

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Duskglimmer

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Fri Feb 04, 2005 7:37 pm

Duskglimmer says... · Fri Feb 04, 2005 7:37 pm

Well... I may not eat Count Chocula cereal, but I can say yes to a lot of the things on that list...

*shakes head* I'm SO not Goth... but oh well... people can think what they want to think...

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
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I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
— Spearmint

Is Your Kid a Goth?

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