Two Crows Watch from the Gallows Tree (part 11)

She looked at him coldly for a moment then glanced away.

She was being unreasonable. Did he even know about the whole library incident? Probably not.

And even if he did, this clearly wasn’t a jab at it.

He seemed genuinely wounded that she lashed out.

She swallowed hard, forcing herself not to be savage. Instead she managed, “I know… and I… appreciate it, I guess.”

"Would Tadaaki be more help?"

“No one can help,” she breathed, closing her eyes. “Everyone wants to help. And… and I appreciate that. But… but there’s nothing… there’s no pleasing someone like me.”

"How do you know?"

“Because every time you try, I make something worse.”

He shook his head. "That's not true, Ky."

“Then why did I almost just kill my second father?” she asked bitterly, tears springing to her eyes. She rubbed at them angrily, not looking at him. “You’d have thought I’d be done after the first, but no.”

"You didn't," Emery said, shocked. "You weren't responsible for either of them, Ky. They both made decisions. You didn't make the decision for them, right?"

“They both made stupid decisions because of me,” she insisted, the tears building despite her best efforts to make them stop.

"But that's not your fault," he insisted. "Not directly. You can't take the blame for it!"

“Why not?” Her voice hitched. “They both tried to kill themselves because they missed me; I don’t want Tomhas to try again. This…” her breath caught again, too worked up to speak anymore.

"Okay, no." Emery shook his head. "Tomhas didn't try to kill himself, I know that much. I also know that this right here isn't healthy." He approached her. "Come on, let's go for a walk."

“I don’t want do!” She buried herself deeper.

"Too bad. Come on, up. You can't just mope in here. Believe me, I've tried that before and it doesn't do any good."

She hesitated, every bit of free will left in her repulsed by the idea of leaving her bed and fighting against the thought. But the bit of her Aleth had permanently fucked up was incapable of disobeying. So she grudgingly pushed herself upright. “No good will come from leaving.”