The Fountain

The Fountain

Her solitary eyes weep miserably.
Her sorrowful, tear streaked face
Peers around the vacant park,
Seeking a passerby to help her to her feet.

Yet, seeing that she is alone,
She is burdened by the thought of returning home,
And her mind spins
Like a fast going carousal.

She mills around the grubby earth,
Searching for something that is not there.
She looks up, and upon seeing a bird,
Backs away and vanishes.


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This is rather sad but i do like it, and are you really 9? This is impressive for a 9 year old! Well done anyway

Aspen, that was wonderful! I know you must get this a lot--but are you really only nine? I think the poem might need a bit of trimming, there are a few places where you can say what you want with fewer words.
For instance: "She is burdened by the thought of returning home," you can probably do away with the "she is" all together--poetry doesn't have to be gramatically/ect. correct!

Thanks for looking at my poem. I was overjoyed when I came home from school and I had two replies! I really am nine, and in fourth grade. I have been writing storys for a little over two years, but I started writing poetry last April. My early poetry wasn't as good as now, so I'm not going to post any of it at all. I agree, The poem is sad, and I wrote it last week when I was sad in school.

I finally feel like I belong somewhere, even if everyone is older than me.-London

Precocious, aren't you? Read "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card. I read it when I was about your age... it opened up a whole new world for me. It's about children who are above average - they are being trained to be soldiers and generals to defeat an alien force. But science fiction aside, it is a wonderful book that has a huge following... of precocious people like you and me.

i don't think she is nine!!!
lol, i like it, infact I really like it but it needs some tweaking here and there. (see comments above)
well done

xx