he is asleep

A: Andy shh he is asleep
S: Silently he walked out of the room
L: lets think about what he might be dreaming about
E:Emerdales on t.v though
E:Emerdale? Emerdale? how sad are you?
P: Please stop yelling im trying to sleep!

This is boring i know i was just very bord when i wrote this

Soldier boy jack--


If you knew this was bad, why would you post it? If YOU think something is bad, what makes you think WE care to read it?

Unless your point is to waste our time, this failed at even the most remedial levels of writing.

A general rule: unless your work is complex and you are explaining allusions or other things necessary to the function of the piece, the minute you stop to take two minutes (or even twenty seconds) to apologize for and explain a piece, you have failed. Since you have explained or apologized on every piece you have posted, I think you have a very good indicator of the great distance you have yet to go before becoming a serious writer.

For now, purchase a ninth grade grammar book and work your way through it. At least that way your posts can be comprehensible and read as though they are not assignments from your ESL classes.


Best,
Brad

Please take your work seriously. YWS can help you learn to write very well, but you have to give us something real to work with first. We aren't here to read your ramblings made during lunch period. It's just common courtesy.

Soldier boy jack, When i am bored and don't know what to write, I often stare at something, start with a simile, and continue describing. After I have written something, I read it aloud. Poetry is about how something sounds when it's read aloud, at least to me. -London

Very intereting.
What's the story behind it?

I've written an accrostic previously.

But this is not good.

You haven't even spelled Emmerdale correctly.

If you're work is like this when you're bored DON'T POST IT.

If you want to try and make this good start over.

A-
S-
L-
E-
E-
P-

And describe the word that you have used. So for instance,
A could be- A bed of warmth
S- Summers heat....

give it a go. I'd love to see your edited piece

Lexy xxx

I did at least like how you seemed to be going for something different. I haven't seen many poems that are based around conversations before...

However, I do think you could make it a lot better, and I would not advise posting anything that you do not take seriously, as most of the people here do write seriously, and they would rather see something that you have really taken your time with and worked on.

There are some grammar points to work on too - things like putting an apostrophe in I'm, and working on commas and full stops.

Good luck with any other poems you write,

Kay