the closed window this story has now been updated a little

7 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 33
Prologue: The closed window (working title) (updated a little)

Dan stood in the open, window his heart racing, wondering if he would survive the night. Many dreadful, things were pounding in his head, as he left the window his reflection caught his eye, how he hated his looks, startlingly blue eyes, white blond hair and his pale skin, an albino. As he walked away from the mirror, he realized that he was no longer alone.
" Daniel, that was your last chance to be a z-file, you know the consequence of not obeying a direct order, don't you?," Michal's high pitched voice was propelled around the stone room, making it sound like there was 100 people in the room.
Last edited by Soldier boy jack on Thu Nov 09, 2006 5:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 33
hi guys (and gals) just to say thanks for reading my very short prologue and i know i need to work on my grammar




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 90
There's not much to work on, but that can be expected as it's just a prologue. But still, it's pretty short.

Sorry, but again the grammer is really bad, for example capital letters at the beginning of sentences and where to put commas and all that stuff. I don't really want to get too bogged down in all that stuf for now, but just as a tip, work on it for next time.

RR*
Want a faithful critique? PM me!

Luv RR*




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 33
thanks again for the help but i'm going to blame it all on my English classes because we never get to work on grammar.
i don't really care anymore if people hate me,
i'm used to it, so don't bother saying anything to me, because you know that i really don't care!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 820
You could always ask a teacher for extra classes/books to help or your parents.
.: ₪ :.

'...'




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 3183
Reviews 189
Most grammar mistakes here could be easily spotted by the spell check on microsoft word. It's my saviour for when I'm lazy and can't be bothered checking though it myself.
please grant me my small wish; (love me to the marrow of my bones)




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 33
thanks for the help on grammar
i don't really care anymore if people hate me,
i'm used to it, so don't bother saying anything to me, because you know that i really don't care!



As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
— Pablo Neruda