Okay... I'll post it... It is a Mother's perspective of their child being bullied.
Read they said or was it just a Greed for knowledge and power, things with no Need, I cry out in pain at the sight of them burning my Seed and when that power is violent and he begins to Bleed. The dangers our younger face make me want to scream and try to right their Deed with wrong. When I find they broke me. My sad Seed, don't Read if it causes you pain, my Seed don't let them beat you down with power and Greed. Never let them hurt you my Seed. Oh my Seed. Yes my Seed, don't come home red and broken as you Bleed, Don't let them do that to you my Seed, I can't bear hearing you let them do this horrible Deed, You should have told me sooner my Seed
Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much To see you in that horrible bed With scars, bandages and casts The machine beeping out your heart
Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much To hear the machine scream Slowly combining with my own Knowing that you wouldn't be coming home with me
I'm not that good at reviewing poetry, so I'll leave it with a short sentence.
I don't think it's bad, but the frequent repetition of the initial syllables is a bit irregular. You can interpret it as a kind of perspective, but it's still a bit bumpy to read. Still, probably better than my way of doing poetry.
Read it as a format, if I'm going to have lines of poetry then I'm going to have to start them somewhere... What do you think about the actual writing? Probably what I'm worried about...
do you take chaos coins or rina nickels or must it be swansons?
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
