whatever

reasons why i feel this way
reasons why you came to stay
reasons why i never knew
deep inside your really crude
what never came to speak again
was what i was screaming inside my head
i was never bold enough
to tell you were cold enough
to kill me inside
then you tried
to remove my pain
with what you say
what you say
will not sway
my choice to block you out.
now all you do is mess about.
to kill all thats left
inside thats still alive
that you must distroy for you to thrive
reasons why i came to say
this is you way
never mine
so now this time
is now at end
leave now
walk around the bend
from all my dreams all my hopes
to all the things i try to cope
but now that you are gone
there is no way you can bond
all my hopes all my dreams
that you destroyed in your means.

First of all welcome to the site!

whatever

i would have liked to see a better title.

To talk about the poem starting is nice.

Though more puntuations in the poem would have done.

reasons why i came to say
this is you way
never mine

you way?huh!

Keep writing!

Greetings photoboothx<3,


This is appallingly bad writing.

Its features include a one-dimensional character wallowing around in an adolescent rant of what it would seem he or she finds totally engaging.

Your understanding of what makes an effective line is non-existent.

Parts of this, such as:

"deep inside your really crude
what never came to speak again
was what i was screaming inside my head
i was never bold enough
to tell you were cold enough"

make no sense at all. That's probably for the best in this case.

The close is an incoherent, pathetic grab at some deeper meaning. The effect is that of a botched pratfall.

If you are hoping at some point to post work that might generate some level of positive response at the YWS, you first need to develop a feel for what effective poetry is. See if you can find a copy of Mary Oliver's introduction to the craft - "A Poetry Handbook" - and look up all the articles in Squills and Writing Tips sections here on YWS. Study, and then come back and look at this piece. If you're not embarassed at that point, poetry is not for you. Take up macrame.


Best,
Brad

I guess everything was cleared above, welcome to YWS
And please work on your spelling like capitalizing "I"
Thanks