November's Child

November’s Child

solitude and
snowy nights
grey leaves in your
midnight hair
tangled upon your
broken shoulders
melancholy hazel eyes

gentle hands and
frozen heart
trails of frost
down ivory cheeks
silence
in the starless night
like bitter honesty

there is nothing I could say
to comfort you
spring will come
but by then you will
be gone
the winter is long
and you are fragile

smile
for me,
though I know your heart is cold
I wish I could tell you that
I still loved you—

sleep
for the moment
dream
if you can
one day
you will cease to be

you will
disappear

Hello. I like this. I particularly like the 'midnight hair'. I think it's pretty good.

I think its really good. Keep writing. I like your style.

I think it is really good, Keep it up!!!!

I like the style you write with. Beautiful.\

Fav. part:
"sleep
for the moment
dream
if you can
one day
you will cease to be "

BEAUTIFUL


Pandora

wonderfully written!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
although, i really love the fall and winter

Thank you all so much for the feedback! It means a lot.

cx

Awesome job, but may I suggest punctuation?

awesome! it's dicey, but it's a good dicey! ...i'm not really sure how to put that haha.

Although I do have to agree...some punctuation may be helpful!

Good job!

cymbeline_x wrote:November’s Child

solitude and
snowy nights
grey leaves in your
midnight hairtangled upon your
?broken shoulders? (what?)
melancholy hazel eyes

gentle hands and
frozen heart
trails of frost
down ivory cheeks
silence
in the starless night
like bitter honesty

there is nothing I could say
to comfort you
spring will come
but by then you will
be gone
the winter is long
and you are fragile

smile
for me,
though I know your heart is cold
I wish I could tell you that
I still loved you—

sleep
for the moment
dream
if you can
one day
you will cease to be

you will
disappear

I loved your use of the "s's" throughout the poem. I underlined them and their effect was amazing.
This is really well written! When I read the title I thought it would be a pathetic poem with an obvious rhyme scheme... how wrong was I???!!! Shouldn't judge a book by its cover should I... well.. a poem by its title in this case!
You've impressed me....
only thing I didn't like was "broken shoulders" what??? Why? I don't get that bit.. anyway... good job
lexy x

It's very nice. Flows like a good poem should. I especially like the title. The title, indeed, was the thing that caught my attention. It practically begged me to read your poem.

As always,

POKE

Hey, thanks for describing me.
I actually liked this, which is surprising because I haven't read much that I didn't really have naything to say. I'm in quite a hurry though... rush rush rush, but I did like this

Good job! Very well written.

I love the title. And just about the rest of the poem. Imagery of the cold elements always seems to paint a very detailed picture in my head. I loved the 'cold' and 'ice' and 'ivory cheeks' and all that.

Well done.

I really like it. Normally when I see a bunch of adjectives all together like you have them in the beginning it feels cluttered to me, but you used them very well.