Blue Powder Trilogy: Book One—The Escape

After Skylar Rennedon is sentenced to 3 years imprisonment at a labor camp for breaking into a government building, she teams up with Myra Tyrane, and together they plan and execute a risky escape. Even though nobody has ever successfully escaped a federal labor camp, they are undeterred by the odds, and embark on an adventure that, if they are successful, has the potential to change their galaxy, overthrow the tyrannical government, and bring justice to their galaxy once again.



Skylar Rennedon:

Spoiler

Skylar stands at about 5'8, with shoulder-length brown hair that she usually has pulled back and deep brown eyes. She's muscular from years of working at her father's mechanical shops and prefers to wear loose-fitting clothes that make it easy for her to maneuver in, like cargo pants. She's a strong and handy individual who's always able to develop a plan and lead others through it, something that will cause her to easily take charge of the mission

Myra Tyrane:

Spoiler

Myra stands at about 5'6 and is more thin and wiry than Skylar. She has blue eyes set in her pale skin and framed by her dark hair. She has an anxious demeanor, but is still very creative and innovative. Her determination and passion oftentimes win over her fear and anxiety, but the biggest theme of her character development is how she manages her anxiety and how she is able to work through these nerve-wracking situations

[To Be Continued and Expanded]

Cool premise! A few questions for you:

- Why work so hard to escape for only a 3 year sentence? I'm assuming that 3 years is long enough to be a death sentence, but that needs to be in your summary/premise somewhere, because right off the bat I'm picturing a villain protagonist who's escaping for the sake of escaping just because they can, not somebody particularly heroic.

- The title is a bit one-note. For starters, it makes me think the plot ends at the escape, when this definitely sounds like there's more to the plot than just escaping. Second off, the title is so generic it really doesn't lend itself well to an action/thriller story.

Blue Powder is interesting, and I really wish that little detail of what it is was in your synopsis. Right now it's thrown in here without much of a thought, but that sounds like the crux of something relatively unique.

I know you said you were going to expand and continue all this, but those are really critical points— the "what makes this a villain/bad situation", "what makes this person heroic", and "what else other than the escape happens that you could make as a title"— are places to start.

Thanks for the feedback @Rosendorn! I really do appreciate it, especially since I need to rewrite this synopsis.

1. I should've included this in the original post, but the government is known for either not being punctual with their releases (they tend to forge documents so they can keep people longer if they discover they need the extra manpower), and there is a high rate of death. Skylar and Myra also see this as an opportunity to start a revolution and overthrow the government, something I also should have clarified.

2. I see your point about the title, but I'm having trouble coming up with something grabby. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them; otherwise, I'll continue to brainstorm that as I write and see if anything comes to me.

3. Blue Powder, as I should've included in the synopsis, is a substance used by the government as a sort of superfuel that gives their ships increased capabilities. It's highly illegal to tamper with it, and originally, Skylar was breaking into the government office to steal some of it so they could spark their revolution.

Again, thanks so much for your feedback! I'll continue to expand this/edit this including the information you recommended, and eventually post this on YWS to get even more feedback!

I remember reading and reviewing an extract of this a while back, so I'm looking forward to seeing more of it during LMS! Reading this thread, I'm curious to know more about this tyrannical government. There's a big focus on revolution and untrustworthy governments in contemporary fiction (which doubtless says something about our current society), so how are you going to go about making yours unique? In what way is it bad and what is it like to live under their regime?

For hints on titles -- I usually slap a working title on something that's based around the core of the story. Not necessarily an action a character takes, but a place they go, or a person they meet (or become, even better).

Sometimes I'll check out quote lists with ideas I like (for yours: escape, imprisonment, justice would be good keywords) and see if any cool phrases show up. You can use and twist those however you like until you find a cool thing to name your story.

For me, "Blue Powder" is somewhat grabbing, but I associate it more with fantasy than scifi to be honest. It sounds like a magical component or a powder form of paint, bringing to mind historical fiction. Is there a scientific name for Blue Powder? (Even one you can make up or cobble together from other scientific molecular names, like LOX/liquid oxygen or hydrazine?) Because that could make a cool book or series name.

Looking forward to see more of this! I feel like the synopsis could use some work, and there's a sudden jump in importance -- who are two teenagers to start a whole revolution if it's not already in progress? -- but I think you'll try to answer those questions as you go along.

Sorry I haven't answered your questions until now @Lareine and @DarkPandemonium—I haven't thought about this thread in a while. @DarkPandemonium, I want to try to make this government so corrupt because its main goal is for those who are in power to gain money for themselves, which means that there are tons of illegal and immoral things going on in the government (bribery, extortion, blackmail, etc.) For this reason, all of the laws are created because it will benefit those who hold a position of power either directly or indirectly. Everybody cooperates out of fear, for the NUS is known for their harsh punishments and has a massive force of soldiers who will enforce them.

@Lareine, I'm thinking about renaming my series something along the lines of Stella Crepitus (Latin for Star Explosion). I'm going to work out the kinks of the idea I have for how this chemical is formed, how it is mined, and its potential powers. Your tips helped jog my brain, so thank you for your suggestions!