blackberries and honeysuckle

the one where we'd lean over the

freezing my mind to the core with their mockery

filling my mind with self-doubt and hatred

of this shell of a girl i couldn't recognize

the one that once filled my soul with peace

I am sorry for not

telling you this sooner but

i'll miss you dearly

she's just a girl with her head in the clouds

not sure if she's okay or just in a haze

she'd tell herself, trying to make sense of the cluster

of thoughts floating above her head

i told myself i'd have more time

to tell you all the things i felt

to ask how you felt and grow more

but now the weight of things has set in

and i didn't know how to feel

do i cry?

do i stay silent?

do i say the things i wanted to say?

instead i just held you and told you i loved you

and you said you loved me too

i told myself that i can't cry and i must not weep
no, not yet
i must stay strong for them, i can't show i'm weak
but that damned lump in my throat,
this burning in my face
it's making me feel as if i might pass out
the more i try to strain
but the hot tears flew down my burning cheeks

one

at

a

time

don't cry, no, not yet
she told me, handing me a tissue
and telling me to cry in the dark

oh how i can't wait for May to come
with her sweet scents of magnolias
and the sound of the bike chimes
from the excited children
who were so ready for May to come

the sun shines so bright in May
and the flowers remind me to
take a step back and heal
from the bitter coldness i felt

last winter