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Princess Prettie · 2006-10-11T06:09:04Z

Okay here's my story. My plot really hasn't come out yet, because it's barely even one chapter long, and I'm not completely sure where I'm going with this, but since it's my first piece of writing, try not to be to harsh. Also, I'm not completely sure if this is in the right section. It might be hopelessly lost. I am a little disoriented here. But anyway. Read it pleaseeee. Laughter and snapshot flashes. Confetti and spilled punch all over, fruity and sweet, with the strong scent of Dior Addict 2 and Chanel no. 5 in the air. Lipstick kisses on cute boys's cheeks, and shiny pink dresses paired with matching purses. That's right. Ashlie Guccini was at her final eighth grade dance. A girl with long shiny blonde hair flipped her glossy mane over her back. She laughed, showing her pearly white perfect teeth, and put her arm around her best friend, Bridgitte. Bridgitte smiled sexily and snapped a picture with her bright pink Motorola Razr. They laughed as they looked at the picture, then flirtily said goodbye to their handsome dates. The attractive duo walked cooly to the hotel exit, showing off their tanned legs in their high heeled Manolo Blahniks and chic Cavalli dresses. Ashlie Guccini looked enviously at them, thinking about her own pale flabby legs, her k-mart dress, her Payless shoes. Bridgitte loudly "whispered" to her friend: "Kaitlinn, look at that fuckin' geek... Why did she even come, not like anyone wants to dance with her..." Kaitlinn, the blonde, laughed and smilied bitchily at Ashlie. Kaitlinn and Bridgitte air-kissed a couple people, and so many of their friends camera flashes went off it looked like the red carpet. They slid through the exit gracefully as Ashlie sat there, trying not to cry. The party went on. Lorraine and Catherine (Ashlie's two best friends) came and sat next to her a few minutes later. "Hey Ash... you doin' okay? You seem pretty down," Catherine asked sweetly. Lorraine patted her on the back. "Yeah, did Bridgitte and Kaitlinn say anything? 'Cuz who cares what those biatches say! You're waaaaaaaaaaaaay cooler than them any day!" Ashlie looked up through her sad, tired lids at her friend's encouraging smiles, and knew they really did mean it. But she knew that she wasn't cool, that she was a freak and a geek and a hideous nerd, just like Catherine and Lorrie. She forced a wavering smile, and said "Thanks guys... you're right. I shouldn't care what they think." Lorraine and Catherine looked at each other in relief. "No prob. C'mon... let's blow this popsicle stand!" said Catherine loudly. Lorraine laughed at her weird saying (she had many of them) and linked arms with her best friends. Ashlie faked laughing too, but didn't think it was funny. She was embarrassed for Caty, who thought her weird sayings were funny and unique, when in reality, they just made her look like a loser. They strolled out of the doors, talking about things that didn't matter to Ashlie at all. She realized now exactly what she wanted: to be liked. To be one of those girls, who had unlimited friends and gorgeous hair, with a cute boy hanging on each of her sides. To be one of "the beautiful people" of Oceanview Middle School. Or Oceanview High. It was too late to be an 8th grade It girl, but she had plenty of time until 9th grade began, and then? She could start over. I just read my story over, and it seems kind of.... bland and shallow. I'm not meaning for it to be like that, so I am welcome to any sort of KIND suggestions. Thankies.

pandoraswritings

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Reviews 85

Tue Oct 24, 2006 10:42 pm

pandoraswritings says... · Tue Oct 24, 2006 10:42 pm

You use a lot of adjectives. (not a bad thing, just pointing it out.)
I like your story, but it seems a bit middle school are fine, but the way you word it to make it seem so stereotypical seems very immature.
Pandora

P.S: Late welcome to TYWS.

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Princess Prettie

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 21

Wed Oct 25, 2006 5:49 am

Princess Prettie says... · Wed Oct 25, 2006 5:49 am

thanks for the feedback. so far in the plot, it is very sterotypical, but the rest of where i'm going is so, so far from there... when i was planning how i was going to end it, one of my ideas was one of the supporting characters pulling a "columbine" type thing... seeing that and the intro seems kind of out of place, but i'm thinking of easing it into "that kind of story". in the end, i decided not to go with the shooting thing, but the ending is SOOOOOO far from "immature" or "stereotypical" that it's not even funny. what do you mean by "seems a bit middle school are fine"?

♥youguysithinkmyhearthasburstintoabillionscintillatingpieces♥

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The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
— Aristotle

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