If you want detailed critique or feedback you can post in the literary forums via the Publishing Centre, (link up top.)
This is well formatted, with is always a good start. It gets pretty tense at points and there is a lot going on in a short space. I'd recommend easing off a bit on the stage directions. Scripts are all about dialogue and the interpretation of that dialogue, so including too many instructions detracts from that.
Thomas Edison's last words were "It's very beautiful over there.” I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful. — John Green, Looking for Alaska
Sagaba Final.pdf
