Detention
A Play in One Act
CAST OF CHARACTERS
BRADLEY
A six year old boy.
GARY
A six and a half year old boy.
ADDIE
A ten year old girl with braces, glasses, and someone who generally looks very geeky. She may be considered to be someone sweet, but there is something mischievous and cunning in her face as well.
SUPERVISOR
A hawkish fat woman with a leering face.
SETTING: Detention at lunch. It’s a table
separated from the rest of the tables, guarded by the SUPERVISOR.
AT RISE: Noisy chatter surrounds the table from a bunch of happy children. The main focus is a small lonely table where BRADLEY and GARY sit. It has a big sign on it that says “detention.” The boys are quiet, sizing each other up.
BRADLEY
What’s your name?
GARY
Gary. What’s yours?
BRADLEY
Bradley.
GARY
That’s a stupid name.
BRADLEY
Is not.
GARY
Is too. I know a girl with that name.
BRADLEY
No you don’t.
GARY
Yes I do. She’s stupid too.
BRADLEY
Not as stupid as you.
GARY
Shut up.
(A pause of silence. Both boys look at each other with more interest.)
BRADLEY
How old are you?
GARY
Older than you.
BRADLEY
Nuh uh
GARY
Uh huh. I bet I’m ten times older.
BRADLEY
Well, I’m six!
GARY
(Smugly)
Six and a half!
BRADLEY
That means you die sooner.
GARY
What?
BRADLEY
Since you’re older, you’ll die first.
GARY
Nuh uh.
BRADLEY
Uh huh.
GARY
Aw, shut up.
(ADDIE enters in the scene, sitting next to GARY, and the boys quiet. They recognize her as a fifth grader.)
BRADLEY
What’s your name?
ADDIE
Shh! They might hear!
(Glances furtively at SUPERVISOR before leaning closer to the boys. She adjusts her glasses and stares.)
So what are you prisoners in for? No, wait. Let me guess. You (points to BRADLEY) put a tack on the teacher’s chair because she gave you an F for your spelling test. And you (points to GARY) put gum in what’s-her-face’s hair. Am I right?
GARY
Uh… I stood on a chair.
BRADLEY
I dunno what I did.
ADDIE
(Snorts)
You’re just a bunch of first graders, aren’t you? Just my luck! No imagination at all. Why, when I was in first grade, I threw an apple at my teacher for calling me a sweetheart.
BRADLEY
Whoa.
GARY
Awesome.
ADDIE
(Glances back at SUPERVISOR and leans closer to the boys.)
Have you planned an escape route yet?
GARY
Escape route?
BRADLEY
But lunch is almost over.
ADDIE
(Snorts.)
Oh, you first graders! This is your first time here, isn’t it? They haven’t started the torture yet, have they?
GARY
What!
BRADLEY
What torture?
ADDIE
(Impatiently)
The torture. Oh, you first graders! Poor little guys, nobody ever tells you this stuff. But don’t worry, I will. After lunch, they tear off all your clothes and then beat you with broomsticks. Because the teachers are witches. And then, after that, they put you in a closet full of spiders so you can rot. And then they throw you in their stew!
BRADLEY
(Nervously)
Spiders?
GARY
That’s not real.
ADDIE
Oh? How do you know?
GARY
It’s just stupid.
ADDIE
(Sticks her tongue out.)
Just because it’s stupid doesn’t mean it’s false. Besides, the witches need the stew. They feed their black cats with it. It gives the cats magical powers so the witches can fly with those brooms. Everybody knows that.
BRADLEY
Really? (Pause) I knew it!
GARY
(Turns to BRADLEY.)
No, butthead, she’s lying to us again.
BRADLEY
Oh.
GARY
(Turns back to ADDIE.)
I’ve seen you in detention before and you’re not tortured.
ADDIE
(Smugly)
That’s because I escaped. The rest weren’t so lucky. Look! Don’t believe me? Check this out. They gave me this scar.
(Brings out arm and shows them a mark that looks like an old mosquito bite.)
BRADLEY AND GARY
Ooooooooh…
ADDIE
Exactly. Nasty things they are, those teachers. But we have to have an escape plan or none of us will get out alive.
BRADLEY
But what can we do?
ADDIE
Let me think for a second.
GARY
Well, think fast!
ADDIE
Don’t rush me!
(Thinks a little bit.)
I have an idea! We need a distraction. Now, I can’t do that since they suspect me to do something, but you can do it easily. After all, nobody suspects two first graders to do anything special.
BRADLEY
So what should we do?
ADDIE
I dunno. You figure that out. But you do something, and then run out with me.
(Glances furtively at SUPERVISOR.)
Ready on three. One…
GARY
Wait, what are we supposed to do again?
ADDIE
Use your brain. Kill each other. Whatever. Two…
BRADLEY
But what about the spiders?
ADDIE
(Gives BRADLEY a nasty look.)
Three!
(BRADLEY and GARY look at each other and, very slowly, start batting each other, not so that it hurts, but so that it looks like it might possibly become a fight.)
SUPERVISOR
Hey, you two! Stop it!
(The SUPERVISOR walks over to the boys. Just as the SUPERVISOR comes over, ADDIE bolts out and runs away, rushing out of the school.)
ADDIE
Freedom! Freedom!
SUPERVISOR
Hey! Wait!
(The SUPERVISOR is about to run away after ADDIE, but then stops, looking at the two boys skeptically.)
She set you up, didn’t she?
(The two boys say nothing. The SUPERVISOR sighs.)
Oh well. Eat lunch. It’s almost class time again.
BRADLEY
(Nervously to GARY.)
When do you think the cats eat us?
GARY
They don’t eat us. She was just lying.
BRADLEY
But…
GARY
Shh!
SUPERVISOR
(To herself, looking over at the open door and shaking her head)
That Addie… always getting in trouble.
BRADLEY
(Mishears the SUPERVISOR)
Did she say that girl’s name was Bradley?
GARY
(Smirks)
I told you I knew a girl named Bradley.
