Is It Real?

Is It Real?

Tied:

To be bound.

I can't escape emotions.

They haunt me.
They stalk me.
They watch me.

But it isn't as if they're living in my dreams.

Just breeding there,

That's all they do.

And when my eyes close,

When my head falls back,

I don't expect them to go away.

I want them.
And need them.

My soul folds in two when I wake without it.
My heart splits in two when I wake knowing it.

Love:

An emotion.

A painful passion,

That creeps and dwells.

It isn't all you'd crave.

It's empty:
Hollow.

It doesn't matter whom you are, where you are.

It finds you.
It takes you.
It has you.

And then it leaves you

To weep:

Sorrow.

(Do I have a void?)


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*EDITS:
"A constantly painful passion," > "A painful passion"
"It isn't all you'd assume or crave." > "It isn't all you'd crave."

Wow, Vamp. i don;t even know how to go about criticing it!

i like it! I had to read it twice to take it all in, unique approach!

that's the most unique poem i've read....grand writing.

excellent work!!

Hey Vamp this was really good,Well done!

Thanks.

Feel free to critic a bit too though. After all I would not want my head to swell up too much from compliments.

VampX13 wrote: (Do I have a void?)

Ok, was this the final line of the poem?

Or are trying to ask us to figure out what purpose your poetry fulfills in your life.

If you are asking, i am going to run away in fear now. haha

*Slick Jimmy quickly scampers away in fear*

Oh yeah, this poem is tight. Feel free to inflate your head and hope it does not exhaust on the next piece that may be crappy.

*pumping air into Vamp's ever-inflating head*
Very nice. depressing, but me-likey!

Great job! Just a few punctuation things I'd change:

Just breeding there,

Dash after this will make it more powerful.

A constantly painful passion,

It isn't all you'd assume or crave.

Too wordy for the breathtaking tone you set throughout your piece. I'd take out "constantly" and just use either "assume" or "crave" in the second line.

You used a lot of colons in this piece. They can be powerful when used correctly, but I think this piece would benefit more from dashes (or hyphens whatever they're called! ) at the breaks of lines. This was just a quick run through of the piece. Sorry I didn't have time to do a more in depth crit, but I don't have time with school and all! Good luck!

The last part of the poem was something I added as a thought-provoker. I added it a while after I'd finished this poem.

Oh and get ready for my head to explode as my narrative poems always suck and I posted one -- because I am diverse and I can.

I will edit "assume or crave" and change it to... "assume", I guess. I wasn't at all intending to be wordy. I was just saying that emotions are never what you expect and can be hardly what you wanted. Perhaps I'll try to find another way to voice that.

However I much rather like commas and colons (*hopes she spelt that write*) as dashes I generally only use for pauses in story writing. Tee-hee. But perhaps I'll try to work some dashes into my next poem just for you, writingluver5.