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Ali Williams jumped down from the wall, in the process knocking his bag of the wall.
We swept a blond lock of hair from his brown skin. Ali was 5ft 8 and was 14, he lived in East Suseex in a quiet town named Battle, near hastings.

"Houston, we have a problem."

That problem is that this isn't really anything. It's three sentences that say 'a boy jumped off a wall', effectively.

There really isn't any point in posting this. There's nothing to be done with it here.

And your spelling and grammar are horrible.

I think you might want to put this in the storybook section. That's where the RPG's (stories that can be added on to by other people) go. ^_^

Storybook section

And if this your excerpt of your story, this isn't enough to critique, if you know what I mean. Look around the forums and try to find a sample story to see what an appropriate length is.

i agree with the other commenters, but i think that you really need to write more on this story. But aways remember never let anyone put you down on your storys (love Jack)

Yeh, you definitly need to add more for people to give you more constructive criticism. But it sounds good for a begining.

RR*