i dont know why

In a way I still like you,
But I don’t know why.
In a way I still care for you,
But I don’t know why.
I want you back,
And I don’t know why.
I want you to care for me again,
And I don’t know why.
You are a liar,
And I know that.
But yet I still want you back.
I care for you.
And yet I don’t know why.
In a way I hate you
But yet I don’t want to.
Help me please
Help me to hate you
Even more than I do now
I don’t want to care for you anymore
I want you to be out of my life
Out of my head
Out of my thoughts
Out of my heart
But for some reason I cant find out how to do that
I don’t want to love you any more
I don’t want to care for you anymore
But yet I still do
I don’t know why I do
And I don’t want to
I want to hate you
I want you to care for me again
I want to tell you how I still feel
But some how I cant find a way how
I know that you still like me
And you know I still like you
Why don’t you see that?
But I cant find a way how
I know that I did some stuff in the past
But yet you still like me (well at least I think)
And I haven’t found out why.
Please help me
Please help me to find out
I need help
You were the only one who new what I was going through
You were the only one that was allowed at my house
You were the only one that was allowed in my room.
You were the only one that my mom liked
You were the only one that they approved.
Well that is what I have to say right now so please help me to find out.

You are one of the few people who know that I hold a distaste for poetry in its traditional form so forgive me for sounding harsh.

This poem is trash. The feelings are worth value but you need to harness them into something concrete. This poem was long, dragging, and repetetive. Yes, love can break us down to nothing and yes, it can give us wings but everyone gives off the same message. You have to make this your own.

Poetry is a funny thing. Unlike fiction, where you can just sprawl out any story that pops into your head, good poetry comes from real emotions and it's not nessecarily something you can summon. Poetry is emotion in a written form. It's personal. Good poetry shows a character. It shows a unique emotion. Something worth grasping. However, this has all been done before. It's the same sloppy dance done a million times over. Clean it up, delve deep inside you, and really express it. These are words. Poetry is emotion.

Keep heart,

POKE

Hey rose, way to keep it real, man.


Jacks, this topic is overdone, but there is plenty of room to experiment with it. One of my posts was just like this, much repetition to reinforce the difficult feelings I had inside, however, you will see that if you delete most of the repetition, it will become more powerful.

Once your thoughts are not blurred by that broken record going off in your head, you can begin to turn it into something very profound.

If not, take some of the best lines here, and carry them into your next project.

Good luck

-Slick

I agree and disagree with rose.

I disagree because poetry is not the written form of emotions. Pure emotion is what makes for poor poetry. I think this is what is happening here. So let me give you some of my thoughts.

1. Good poetry observes. It observes life, it observes death, it observes movement. It shows the reader something real, or sometimes that something thought to be real is not. In your poem, we observe nothing but your own thought process. We see nothing of the outside world. We have no imagery, no sensations. The reader cannot relate to your situation if you do not expand its meaning. Is this loss of love something universal? Is it something different from the average loss of love? These are topics which need to be pondered.

2. Good poetry utilizes the beauty of language. While using "big" words is not equal to good poetry, and is often detrimental if done for solely that purpose, the choice of words is quite narrow in your poem. I think you used about fifty different words in a poem with 336. That ratio is hardly ever found in poetry, unless you're reading Doctor Seuss (who concentrated on this task with great difficulty). Expand your vocabulary when writing. Overuse of the same words makes it feel like you are simply rewording what you've already said.

3. Good poetry finds purpose. notice I say finds, not has. It takes a situation, observes it, and then portrays it to the reader as something that can be universally understood. That universailty can be from the subject's beauty, it's pain, anything. But it needs to have a purpose, not just for the writer, but for the reader also.

You have already taken the first step of writing a good poem. You have a topic, an emotional topic, that has meaning to you. No the difficult part comes. You need to detatch youirself from the emotion, and give meaning to it for everyone who reads it. When you do those two things, you will have poetry. The more poetry you read, the more you will see how this is. I highly reccomend you read Emily Dickinson. Sometimes her language is confusing, but she certainly illustrates my points. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, message me.

Keep writing.

I think its great. I read through it yesterday and encouraged my friends to have alook too. Keep up the good work..... lexy x

If only there were more who understood like you, Tim...

naming no names >.<