Yield

3 posts
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Points 890
Reviews 212
Underneath your layers
There lies a core
Underneath your scabs
There lies a sore

Echoes from eternity
Bouncing off the satellites
Things begin with explosions
Let’s all explode tonight

Your family ties
Cut off your circulation
Electrons in orbit
‘Round Grand Central Station

The atmosphere is full of holes
And holes are full of everything
Let go of the ropes now
Dance to the void, and sing

Yield to the sign
Pray to your God
Nothing is mine
It’s all a façade




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 31
Hmm. This is pretty good. There's some forced rhyming here, which I don't have time to point out. I'll (hopefully) be back later to say more.
DJ Dan-shutting down the man!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 31
Yield to the sign
Pray to your God
Nothing is mine
It’s all a façade


This is the part that sounded forced. Other than that, it's pretty good.
DJ Dan-shutting down the man!



Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
— Homer Simpson