My New Girlfriend

My new girlfriend
-SlickJimmy

I can’t believe your ignoring my phone calls
I can’t believe your blocking my emails
I can’t believe you won’t see me no more
You are messing with my head, and that makes me hate you

Well I have moved on now
And I have a new girlfriend
And her smile is brighter
And her jeans are tighter
And her ass is not as big
And she makes more money
And she calls me honey
And she tells me that she loves me
But I still hate her
Because she looks just like you

My new girlfriend is really hot
My new girlfriend doesn't spend a lot
My new girlfriend isn’t so neurotic
And she really, really loves me
But I still hate her, because she looks just like you

You broke the most important promise you made
We’re not gonna share the rest of our lives
Now I will break the promise I made
I will write this song to tell the world

That I hate you so much
And I have a new girlfriend
And she is not depressed
And she isn’t always stressed
And she does not scream at me
And she makes more money
And she calls me honey
And she tells me that she loves me
But I still hate her
Because she looks just like you

My new girlfriend is really hot
My new girlfriend does not spend a lot
My new girlfriend isn’t so neurotic
And she really, really loves me
But I still hate her, because she looks just like you

I will not apologize for anything I said
You never have for anything you did
I know I wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t pretend I was
You did, and you weren’t, and this not all my fault

And now I really hate you
And I have a new girlfriend
And she is really honest
And she is someone I can trust
And she is really funny
And she makes more money
And she calls me honey
And she tells me that she loves me
But I still hate her
Because she looks just like you

My new girlfriend is really hot
My new girlfriend does not spend a lot
My new girlfriend isn’t so neurotic
And she really, really loves me
But I still hate her, because she looks just like you

And, oh yeah, her ass is not as big

Ok, everyone, you can either critique this piece, or write which genre of music do you think this song would be best supplied? Try and back it up with an example. (i.e. Simon & Garfunkle melody. which = acoustic guitars and two males duets)

O reven better the name of a song it could be sung to.

I liked it, though it felt rough in places because sometimes you rhymed, and sometimes you didn't. It was a lot of repeating, which got on my nerves a little but over all the only line I have problems with is this one:

I can’t believe you won’t see me no more

change 'no more' to 'any more'

Otherwise, It's alright. I liked the idea, but if your new girlfriend is so great, but you hate her because she looks like your ex? I didn't really like/get that part, I didn't think it really fit... IMO

I think it is repetitive because it's a song? As in, there is a chorus which you repeat... correct me if I'm wrong.

well of course its repetitive because its a song, but I still think it does way too much of it. Maybe with music, it wouldn't be so noticeable?

SlickJimmy wrote:Ok, everyone, you can either critique this piece, or write which genre of music do you think this song would be best supplied? Try and back it up with an example. (i.e. Simon & Garfunkle melody. which = acoustic guitars and two males duets)

O reven better the name of a song it could be sung to.

You're telling me you constructed a song without knowing how it would be sung?

I don't know about you, but this seems like something you should have thought of in advance.

Griffinkeeper wrote:

SlickJimmy wrote:Ok, everyone, you can either critique this piece, or write which genre of music do you think this song would be best supplied? Try and back it up with an example. (i.e. Simon & Garfunkle melody. which = acoustic guitars and two males duets)

O reven better the name of a song it could be sung to.

You're telling me you constructed a song without knowing how it would be sung?

I don't know about you, but this seems like something you should have thought of in advance.

Nah, I got a theory, just noticed that people like to have fun with their creative side, so thought I would throw it out there, thats all.

Claudette wrote:I liked it, though it felt rough in places because sometimes you rhymed, and sometimes you didn't. It was a lot of repeating, which got on my nerves a little but over all the only line I have problems with is this one:

I can’t believe you won’t see me no more

change 'no more' to 'any more'

Otherwise, It's alright. I liked the idea, but if your new girlfriend is so great, but you hate her because she looks like your ex? I didn't really like/get that part, I didn't think it really fit... IMO

Everytime I tried to sing it to myself with 'any' it didnt quite fit. and the reptition here would go great with the genre I figure it fits. 70's puss = Air supply'ish, into speed punk chorus.

I can see this song in a Ben Folds kind of style, listen to some of his stuff.

"You broke the most important promise you made
We’re not gonna share the rest of our lives
Now I will break the promise I made
I will write this song to tell the world "

"I will not apologize for anything I said
You never have for anything you did
I know I wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t pretend I was
You did, and you weren’t, and this not all my fault "

Also- i think these two bits could be sung HIGHer pitch if you know what I mean...

mer wrote:Also- i think these two bits could be sung HIGHer pitch if you know what I mean...

Yes, that is what I meant. These phrases are a slower romantic melody based music, and then it explodes into a heavier, rock/punk sound for the repetitive stuff.

mer wrote:I can see this song in a Ben Folds kind of style, listen to some of his stuff.

Ben Folds!! Wooo!