Song (No name yet)

Just a song I wrote, untitled so far. If you have any ideas, speak up.


[Verse One]
You've gotten pissed and said too much
You've tried to quit when things got tough
Now, I'm too tired to give solid advice
This conversation is useless
Built from bad excuses
Left over from too many fights

[Chorus]
It's going great until you spin it around
Twist the story, again you've got me pinned to the ground
If I refuse to let you choose
Would you just lay down and die this time,
No guilt trips, no strings attatched?

[Verse 2]
You leave me dazed, you give me doubt
More things I could live without
Riding on a highway and I can't see the end
I'm going way too fast
If I don't stop I'll crash
But, finally, I'm taking the chance

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
So take it easy for me
When I'm too hard on myself
Lately I've been thinking too much.

[Verse 3]
I'm tired, but I'm losing sleep
I'm tired of counting sheep
Mostly I'm just tired of you.
Maybe I'll leave this alone
Just wait and see where it goes
While I try to figure out what to do

[Chorus x2]

Hey Mary!!!

I really love the rewrite. That was funny before... (Ground... around... ground...) This is really better (does that make sense grammatically?) but I have one itty bitty problem:

I'm tired of counting sheep
Mostly I'm just tired of you.
Maybe I'll leave this alone

For some reason the repeatition of I'm tired is weird. And the 'counting sheep' rhyme is a little forced, but it could work. (Tell me when you guys are going to play it! I wanna hear it with the music! Wooo!)

Other than that I thought it was really perfect =) Gooo Maryyyy

-Maggie

Hey Mary....

Dropping in again to say how much I love this and to yell at everyone else for not leaving a review

Okay well talk to you later...

MARY! Hey! I forgot to come by here before... I really like these lyrics. Your music's awesome as well... I hope there'll be a singer to sing these though... I totally agree with Maggie. This totally needs some more reviews!

What's forced about sheep/sleep?

Maggie and Emily:
Thanks for posting, even though you've probably seen it in person. I hope there's somebody to sing it too...

Lufgif:
I think she means that it doesn't really fit and the rhythm is a little off, which makes it seem like I only picked sheep/sleep because it rhymed. I think I'm going to edit these anyway, some people think they're too "emo" for the music.
(By the way, Emily and Maggie, have I shown you Matt's lyrics? They take emo to a new level.)

No Mary, I haven't seen Matt's lyrics... The cool Matt or Notso? I can picture Notso writing emo lyrics...very easily actually. Cool Matt seems too happy though. And yeah, your music is a little happy sounding but I think that it's cool that you have to listen to the lyrics to actually get the point of the song. LOST is on tonight! Yey!

The cool Matt...the lyrics are just wicked cliche. He mentions "blackness" 4815162342 times.

Hi Mary! I just read your lyrics and I like this song.... quite original, I think. I would be interested in hearing the music with it. sometimes it's cool when a song sounds happy but the lyrics aren't so happy. It depends on the song, and whether the irony works.

Julia

ps No more marching band. How sad....

I LOOOVE this! I don't have any suggestions. Well... come up with a title. Then I don't have any suggestions.

--Quippie

I guess for most ppl they would like the song but I'm in a really good mood and I don't feel like reading this stuff so maybe that's why. Your grammer was prettty good overall but some of your lines seem forced. Keep up the work though sorry if im too harsh.

Not bad. I think you can make record or something.
I already have my own beat in my head.(I write songs for our band.)

Just here and there that doen't make sense but overall it is good.