Expressing Emotions

I have trouble expressing emotions in my story. I mean, I've got the technicalities right—the right words and all, but when i put it together and make a sentence, it doesn't carry any emotion. It's just a bunch of words put together.

I don't exactly get the whole 'Show don't tell' thing. How do I do it? I want to be able to make people laugh and cry when they read my story. Are there any tips or tricks I can use?

Thanks a lot!

The best way for your reader to feel emotion - is for the reader to fill in the unsaid.

I find that when I cry & laugh at books - it’s not always at the dialogue. It’s the physical description! The look a character gives or the reached out hand that’s not taken.

Hmm let’s think of some examples because it’s easier to see than to explain. Harry Potter is always my go to. It makes me howl with laughter & drown in tears.

*Spoilers* if you haven’t read the series!!!!!

Shock;

Spoiler

Dumbledore’s death.

A jet of green light shot from the end of Snape’s wand and hit Dumbledore squarely in the chest... he was forced to watch as Dumbledore was blasted into the air... he seemed to hang suspended beneath the shining skull, and then he fell slowly backward, like a great rag doll, over the battlements and out of sight.

You see how no sound is used what so ever?! No screams, no shouts, no cries for help. This makes the reader feel as though we - too - are suspended in mid air. We can’t process our emotions!! It’s just a feel of shock whilst we watch what happens.

Grief

Spoiler

Dumbledore’s Funeral

Harry reached out, straightened the half-moon spectacles upon the crooked nose, and wiped a trickle of blood from the mouth with his own sleeve.

This is such a tender moment. No one else has touched him. Only Harry. No words are needed to feel the devastation.

Laughter;

Spoiler

Ron’s face. Everytime.

“Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry" said Hermione, before catching sight of Ron's raised eyebrows, blushing slightly and saying "oh you know what I mean - Goyle's Potion looked like bogies.”

Ron doesn’t even need to say a word and I can just picture it! It’s the subtle touch of an expression which can change the entire paragraph. Without those eyebrows - it kind of falls flat.

I hope this helps in some way! Let me know if you have anymore questions

Olive <3

That was great help actually!

I use Harry Potter to help me when I'm stuck sometimes xD

So when it comes to descriptions, how much should I describe? How much is too much?

Also, how do I make the transition from one emotion to another? Like, let's say character A is very happy at the moment because she won the lottery. After she reaches home she finds her dog is dead. Obviously, she's devastated. But how do I show the change?

Thank you sooooo much for responding!

Well, if you want to show emotions, you act on them. I mean, how can you tell if someone is sad? Well, he is sad because his crying. 'Crying' is an example of showing.

For me, you have to be careful when you describe a character's emotion. Not everyone cries to show that he's sad, so you have to think other expressions that can show us the character. "Hearing his parent's harsh words, he looked down, completely in silence, and his hands, shaped into fists, trembled." This is me trying to convey a character who doesn't want to show others he is sad, and basically is bottling up his feelings.

I'll try to answer your latest question as best as I can. The character A is happy because she won the lottery. However, she finds her dog dead after she reaches home. Since you want to make a transition from one emotion to another, provide a paragraph for each emotion. You can spend three paragraphs to describe her feeling of shock (the idea of winning the contest that relies so much on luck, and so many people participate in it that the chance of winning is probably a bit more than 1%) and happiness (the pleasure of seeing others' envy flashing through their eyes as she passes through them to get the prizes).

To be honest, for me, it's not as easy as getting from one place to another place. Since happiness contrasts sadness, you need to describe the journey a character takes to reach from one emotion to another completely different emotion. She reaches home in excitement (she was excited to share the good news with her dog, the only companion who is in the house, given her parents are still out working somewhere else) but she is shocked (is this mockery? To give her good news before the bad news? Is fate acting cruel now? Is it really... dead?) and finally she is really sad as she accepts the death of her dog.

Try to imagine her shock. She is numb - unable to process the image of her motionless dog. Maybe she is slightly scared, as the thought of her dog's death is scary - she walks slowly to her dog, and whispers, "Sammy?"

And that's about it! I'm not really good at describing emotions, I'm still learning the skill, but as long as you can imagine how a person acts on his feelings, you're good to go! You just have to deliver your imagination in writing form.

But it was the moment I realized that great writers put a lot of thought into all those seemingly useless details they leave in there, and they’re all clues leading to a larger truth. It’s not good enough to paint a vivid picture and put in details. Those details will be read into, and they need to point to the truth of your story or your character.

see full post here.


To answer your show, don't tell question. As for having trouble expressing your emotion, get out of your head. Stop telling yourself you have no emotions and it's just a bunch of words. Don't second guess yourself. If I were you, I would focus on your characters. If your readers don't like your characters, or don't have empathy for them, they're not going to cry. If your readers don't relate or have a personal connection with your characters, they're not going to cry. Make sure your characters are well rounded. Make sure you can see them breathe inside the story, and then just believe in yourself. It'll come, but don't be upset if your characters don't make your readers cry. Funnily enough, very few people actually cry when they're reading stories. I'm a very emotional person, but I have to be personally upset in my everyday life to actually cry when I'm reading. Making your reader's cry isn't what you should be focusing on. Write a good story, with good, sound characters and make sure it makes you feel something. Second guessing yourself and worrying about your reader's reaction isn't going to do you or your writing any favors.

There are also nuances to emotion. Both grief and disappointment are types of sadness, but people react differently when grieving compared to when they're disappointed, and there are even different degrees of grief and disappointment. Showing those reactions and the differences between the nuances in an individual as well as the differences between individuals is how you show not just emotions but also characterization as different people have and act upon different emotions and degrees of emotion.

As for your second question, finding your dog dead is reason enough for an abrupt mood change, and I think it would be far stranger to not have an abrupt switch from happiness to shock compared to writing up a lengthy exposition of the change as it occurs. The latter would feel too draw out and unnaturally melodramatic as a result.

Hi.
I want to express emotion in my writing. How do I do that?

@fantasydragon01

I'd start reading the thread above for advice!

The thing about expressing emotions in writing is, it's a skill. When you start off writing, the likelihood you'll have anything that resembles "an emotional scene" is low. Even experienced writers run into this very frequently— their first drafts are some of the least emotional things ever.

So if you've applied the above advice, and you're still not getting anywhere, that's normal! Just keep editing with the above advice in mind, or rewriting.

Some more tips:

Know how your individual character expresses emotions

Not everybody emotes the same way. Some people cry at everything, while some seem almost physically incapable of crying. Some show frustration when things don't work the way they're supposed to, while others are perfectly calm. What emotional reaction comes up depends on the character, and what their default reaction is.

Figure out the context for those emotions

What would cause a person to feel that way? Some people don't get sad at death for various reasons, either because they plain old do not get sad at death or because they'd prepared themselves so well for the death that by the time it happens, they're relatively neutral towards it.

Make the reader feel every physical part of that emotion

This is, I've found, the best way to express emotions in your writing. When readers can physically feel what the emotion is.

Now, your character could be fairly unique at expressing emotions. In my novel right now (and my style in general), the emotions are expressed very heavily through metaphors. Other characters could use more facial emotions, while others could feel it in different parts of their body.

--

Really, all tips come down to "emotions are different for everybody in every situation." Built them into the character like you would a list of traits (it can really help to determine what single word sums up their average reaction, like "stoic", "fearful", "angry"), then really figure out how they express it.

Hope this helps!

Hello~~~! \(^w^)/ @Dutiful -shi, @fantasydragon01 -shi, I'm wondering if you still need help? (-shi is a polite Japanese honorific for colleagues)

I'm just a newbie, but I think I might be able to help a little...

For one thing, trying to write emotion means you must feel that emotion. So, logically, you must know your character well. For example, Piggy from The Lord of the Flies cleans his glasses when he's nervous or embarrassed, Mr. Pocket from Great Expectations has a tendency to seemingly lift himself out of his dining chair by the hair when he's frustrated with his chaotic family.

Such character idiosyncrasies may be unique to them alone, but it's easy for the readers to interpret the emotions behind those actions. Perhaps your character has a habit of wringing his/her hands when feeling cornered? Maybe a particularly motherly character might always look to another character first in the midst of a highly tense atmosphere (to reassure him/herself that the other character is okay).

Maybe you'll have to describe these little "habits" many times in your story in order for the readers to understand that it's just what that character does. However, once established, it's almost like a little shortcut--simply by describing the action, readers can immediately relate it to an emotion or a thought, and feel what that character is feeling too.

Another little tip: use sentence structure! Syntax, diction, etc, etc, etc. These will help greatly in both describing emotions, and inducing said emotions in the readers.

For example, short, simple sentences adds a suspenseful air, or maybe a more commanding tone, or can even create a dramatic flare. This is something I cooked off of the top of my head (obviously, not a very good grill :-\):

Compare #1 to #2

#1:
She couldn't comprehend what was going on at all, as he was just speaking so fast. Still feeling overwhelmed by the turn of events, she turned towards her friend with frightened eyes, silently pleading for a bit of help. However, her friend remained silent, with downcast eyes and a dreary air.

#2
She couldn't comprehend what was going on. He was speaking so fast. Overwhelmed, she turned towards her friend. Looked at her with wide eyes-- a silent plea for help. However, her friend remained silent. Her eyes were fixed to the ground. The air filled with dread.

The second passage shows more emotion in the sense that the speaker seems like he/she is almost hesitating, dreading to continue the narrative. Even the sentence fragment is manipulated so that it creates a more strange and chaotic atmosphere--it's almost like forcing the readers to look out through a tiny window. This also generates suspense, and may entice more rapt attention. Though, my example might have been pretty bad... sorry >.<

Another way of using sentence structure is making a sentence really loooooong, with plenty of dependent phrases. It creates a sense of chaos, or shows something overwhelming. I personally love to use dashes for this, as you can see in this excerpt from my story (as a bonus, I also have some short sentence fragments at the end ):

"The rubble erupted as Alia burst from her previous restraints with a fevered cry. Her scythe flew from its previous, dormant perch—it unfolded with a maddened screech—she grasped it as if hanging on for dear life—it angled—she’s airborne—the Wolf turned—she swung—she swerved at the last moment—landed on the nape of its neck—cut with all her might—

And all the roars, the crackles, the howls, the screams, the screeches, the shrieks, and the tears melted into one. And fell down to the newly-stained earth.

And was gone."

Confused at the scene? Well, it's partly because you've not read my story yet. But also, the dashes are purposefully there to generate an aura of anticipation and... a tunnel-vision of some sorts.

Anyways. Just some little rants from the top of my head. I sincerely hope that it helped, even if just a little~~~

Always at your service, yours truly, the Overlord of Tildes~~~~~

Happy writing~~~!

I would still like to have some help, if that isn't a bother to you.
But I think how to describe the emotions is my problem. I may have the emotion that the character is experiencing, but describing it will be a bit of a challenge. I don't want it to sound plain and boring, like :"She was so sad; she began to shed tears". I want it to sound well-written and not boring without sounding pompous and fancy.
Let me know what you think!

---fantasydragon01 (you can call me "fanta").

@fantasydragon01

Look for lists like this, this, or this! You can find them by googling "body language for writers" or "body language for artists". Artist references are more likely going to be images, but you can just describe what you see being pictured.

Again, always remember not everybody expresses emotion the same way, which is why there's so much variety in what each expression can look like. If you have a specific event, you can usually find similar lists like reactions to tragedy to get an idea of what your character in particular will behave like.

Everything ends up boiling down to the character: it all depends on what their basic reaction is, and what sort of traits they're more likely to express.

Good luck!

What you should look into would be both pragmatics and para-linguistic features. Pragmatics refer to how other characters understand what someone means whilst para-linguistics are just the actions a character performs; try exploiting these to simply hint towards a character's mindset (.e.g. express anger through gritted teeth or/and the use of anything insightful which may require some thought).

@fantasydragon01 I didn't see that you replied... o.o If that was a request pointed at me, sorry for replying so late X~X

I have really only one advice--travel and learn! Writers must feel something themselves in order to portray it vividly. If you've been hurt, describe your pain. If you've laughed wildly, describe your joy. Your stories are your own children, creations and extensions of you. Your personalized expressions are sharpened through real-life experience. A truly great writer has seen things and been to places that perhaps they wouldn't have went to normally.

I'm sure you've been emotionally hurt before. What did it feel like? Did your vision blur from the pent up tears? Did your throat tighten? Did your chest feel as if it's being squeezed between boulders?

Similarly, you must have been overjoyed before. Did your heart beat fast? Did your face unconsciously melt into a wide grin? Did your eyes open wider, and your pupils dilate? To describe the most intense emotions, pick the smallest details, and work off a resonance from that.

You can always read more to collect little expressions of emotion. However, I personally promote first-hand experience over secondary sources.

If you're really stuck and want to move on quickly, I recommend buying and reading this book:

"The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Character Expression"