Oracle's Possession

*Locked*

How do you write so well? Nice job Myth!!
There was only one thing I had a question about and that is why did the mages hide their name? Besides that though it was very good!

Thanks for the compliment *beams*

I like to go for traditional stuff and most books I have read usually have wizards/mages with birth names that they keep hidden as a name is precious and is part of the character. So if a name is revealed the enemy has a slight power over the mage, etc.

Further comments are welcome before the new part is posted.

Wow, this is wonderful. I loved it! Very interesting, I can't wait for you to post the next part! I don't have any complaints.

A much improved and much more interesting first scene to Oracles possession Myth, I liked this and it kept me interested in teh world throughout. Plus It was much more clear than the first installment.

Nice and flowing. Cryptic, yet informative. Nice job. One suggestion:

The woman had no need of a microphone to project her clear voice.

I don't know if I like the word "clear" there, as it doesn't really give her voice much description. Vibrant, unmistakable, unmatched... something that will give it an even better quality.

Wings: No complaints at all?
Phorcys: Yup. I've been working on it for a very long time and hopefully the fortune-teller scene will still serve its purpose.
Trident: Eek! That was me being lazy. I couldn't find a way to write what it was like, I may rethink that part.

^ Thanks for taking and interest and reading! I hope to have a positive feedback once the next part is posted. I'll add why the mages have their real names hidden in the above post too, just to clear things up.

-- Myth

You wrote that very well, I enjoyed reading it a lot and I have no complaints. Keep up the great work!

I read this before, but I didn't comment. And I reread it again and still didn't comment. And now I feel guilty. XD

No, seriously, I love your style. It's so simplistic and pretty. You use lovely words, changing your verb forms often to create a constantly moving story that not only moves from the action but just by the words dancing on the screen. And that's a gift that I rarely see, so I commend you for that.

Also, the way you portray your ideas is quite pretty! I like the idea of the mage being nameless. It's quite funny (and enjoyable) for me to see this since, with my story, it's the exact opposite. Names are a sign of power, and I never thought of names being something else. This story delighted me with that reversal, but it was written so subtly that it didn't pound it into my face or anything... I liked it quite a bit.

So yeah. You have an absolutely lovely style and I adore your writing. Keep it up girl!

You have a very good way of ordering simple words to make them sound really effective. I loved reading it so keep up your good work!

Aeroman: Welcome to the site again! I see your already getting to work by critiquing.
Snoink: Oh my God! Snoink commented on my work and liked it. *dies happy* I've never really been taught how to write a story, from an early age I always wrote this way so I guess its a gift. By the way. What did you mean by reversal? Do the names of your characters not gove them a sort of 'power'?
Jak: Another new member! Welcome, greetings, salutations!

Thanks for commenting guys. I really appreciate it. Now I'm determined to continue.

(Editing)

(Editing)

1st part:

Uhh, well, I'm really not sure what to say here. The writing seems rather simple, yet this isn't a negative factor, not really. There just doesn't seem to be enough description. You only say what's relavent to the character at hand, and don't really bring the world alive at all. I get a good sense of who the characters are for this point in the story, but I can hardly see the world. With this taking place in an alternate modern day earth (at least that's the implication I got with the micophone comment), you should bring London more to life. My mind kept thinking it was a fantasy world and had to keep pulling myself back to the fact that it was an alternate earth.

Her friend Sebastian was last, and as he bowed his long hair fell over his face, causing him to blink and brush it back quickly.

I think it would sound better with that "and" there.

2nd Part:

Again, you seem to focus to closely on the main character and his immediate area. You did do a good job with the second and third paragraphs, but I still don't get the feel of the scene. Put in a few things irelevant to the story to put a little natural life into the story. Broaden your view away from the characters a bit.

Other than that, I can't think of anything else to say.

3rd Part:

I think you did a better job of giving the ambience of the scen than in the previous parts. I also enjoyed your descriptions. However, wasn't she talking to Crook outside as the clown was walking to her? You go from there to inside the oracle's tent with the scene already started.The transitions seems weird, and a little jarring. It's almost like the second part didn't even happen for all they connect. You need to look at that transition and rework it, make it smoother at least.

Other than that, I liked this scene.

If you need any clarifications on anything, as I am often not all that great at explaining things, just PM me. All in all, nice work.

RS: Thanks for taking the time to read through.

1st part:

I didn't want to go into too much detail what the world looked like. I tend to give too much description most of the time and this happened with my old piece of OP, I concentrated more on what things looked like rather than the story and got no where. As I am editing C1 I will think about giving a vivid picture of the world.

2nd part:

The general idea here was to get Sebastian's point of view but still more change is needed once I start rewriting.

3rd part:

I wanted to show what Monessa was up to while Sebastian was outside. This is the most important scene and I guess I did do somethings right. I think I'll change the end of Sebastian's entry to make it clearer to understand.

Once again thank you for pointing out what others missed. If anyone else has something to add I'll be grateful.

-- Myth