This is a really soft poem and very abstract poem, but it's not bad. The only thing that seems wrong is the word "permeates" which seems too long to really fit in the place it's at. Still, the imagery, though abstract, is in this case fitting and it quietly leaves an impression.
So change the word "permeates" and you're set!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
