xXTheBlackSheepXx

This was a little confusing. So you’re trapped in a building that has bricks blocking every entrance. Than you said ‘the only other differences was this large metallic cube’. I ...

I think this story could turn out really well. It seems a little strange to me that the ‘game’ is played with people of ANY age, I mean children would ...

I loved it!! I did notice all the plot holes that were pointed out, but I was still completely drawn into the story! I felt my heart go all heavy ...

I liked it! Definitely listen to all the good advice you’ve been given, because you know how to write and I love the idea. It was confusing to me to ...

Good job! One thing, and I don’t know if this is right, but I thought nurses were girls. You referred to Gabriel as a nurse. The ending was very nice! ...

The whole thing was kind of weird for me. It didn’t feel anything made any sense. I really don’t see how PETA would make everyone in the world slaves to ...

The room was cold and dark. The room was ‘cold and dark’? Were those the best descriptions you could come up with? Those words are way too generic. Try freezing, ...

Another amazing chapter, and wow what a cliffhanger!! You always leave me hungry for more. I’m also excited about the new player, Mareck! He came into the story at the ...

LOVED it!! your chapters are getting stronger and stronger as this story goes! Your descriptions were amazing- you used some great words and i think you described the air as ...

I wish I knew more about Brad and Tyler because this behavior seems kind of odd for two guys. Why was Tyler in their house? And he just came walking ...

Once I had finished taking a shower and fixing my face up with make-up along with my hair being straightened, I had hurried into my closet to find something to ...

Well it’s very interesting so far, and I can’t wait until you get around to editing it! More descriptions would be nice, especially with the church, seeing as there are ...

I enjoyed it lots! I liked how you described Maurice. Maybe you could use a little bit more description on Muriel? Ha I really don’t know of any other suggestions, ...

It was way better than your first chapter! Although it still bugs me how you describe his clothes in such detail. You could spend all that extra time developing their ...

Very nice!! This is very realistic and I really felt bad for the poor girl writing this. It made me sad, in a good way! :D I couldn’t find any ...