volleyball13

Sounds like a really good story idea. At times it was torture, others it was amazing. This nightmare was torture. The difference with this one and any other dream was ...

I like it. They make me do anything for your sake. I'm not the best with poetry, but to me "sake" just seems out of place. Maybe use a synonym. ...

It sounds great to me. You had a typo, so I thought I would point it out in case you didn't see it. I ahould study harder; 'ahould' should be ...

Love the story. The first four years of my life was the closest thing I got to normal I think it would sound better if it were, "The first four ...

You always smile,when I said something silly Tense of the words are slightly contradicting. "You always smile" is usually the present day time and "when I said something silly" is ...

But I guess not even all of my loving could keep you from growing bored. It's not always best to start a sentence with 'but'.....I think for this it works ...

I know that the actual wedding day is about the bride... Actually, the wedding day is just as important for the groom as it is for the bride. Sounds like ...

I’m coming, sweetheart. I’ve made the cut but the pain is nothing compared to the pain of losing you. I’m writing with my left hand now, watching the blood spurt ...

Fabulous! Definetly captures the Mad Hatter's madness. Twinkle, Twinkle, little bat! I remember this line from the Disney version of Alice in Wonderland. :)

I liked it. It was very unique. (in a good way) "When we saw you run upstairs we thought you might find Micheal Crenshaw! Oh no...not again"  You forgot the ...

This seems really interesting. If I were you, I would continue. There are a couple grammar problems like [ I was about to call him again when I heard a ...

There was a particular table watched closely by a particular teacher. Derak Feldman. Mr. Feldman to the students and half the staff. Everyone knew not to me  I think it ...

So this is the conclusion of the Red Cloak. I don't think it should be the end. Maybe do a spin-off focusing on one of the minor characters. I think ...

It's a good start. Sitting the girl waits for a sing, but expecting nothing. I think you meant to say "sign" instead of "sing." I'm assuming the girl is actually ...

I stuck my tongue out at her. I absolutely love this line! :D Overall I think that you did an amazing job with this story and how you changed the ...