Where Am I To Begin?

by MadameLuxestrange

  • Poetry
  • Other

Published December 13, 2011

Spoiler! :
Howdy y'all! Okay, so I'm in a Shakespeare class in school and we're working on sonnets right know. For the final sonnet project we're doing a sonnet translation. Instead of analyzing one of Shakespeare's, I decided to write my own. Hope you like it! I'm presenting it tomorrow, so wish me luck! Thanks, Luxe :D


Where am I to begin my love for you?
Is there even an amount of words to use?
Four? Sixteen? One hundred? Maybe just two?
How is it possible for me to choose?
Your smile lights up my heart and sets it ablaze,
And it's almost to much for me to take.
Your eyes, dark as night, draw me to your gaze.
They make me do anything for your sake.
But despite all this, you bring me some pain.
All my love is unbeknownst to you, dear,
Which causes my fragile heart to be slain,
Something that i most fearin this whole world.
For unlike Edward's sparkling diamond skin,
My skin is talc and would crumble therein.

PS-Please don't bash the Twilight reference. I get that it's not exactly everyone's favorite, but I would like for this review to be about my poem rather than about my allusion to Twilight! Thanks :) I shall be eternally grateful.

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
BrokenAngel Comment
BrokenAngel commented Comment · Dec 14, 2011

Hey, I like it a lot, yes I do not like Twlight but i'm not going to bash the poem because of that. I think it's all good wording and the set up is good. So please keep writing and let hater's hate.

User avatar
NightWriter
Review
NightWriter wrote a review Review · Dec 14, 2011

Where am I to begin my love for you?
Is there even an amount of words to use?
Four? Sixteen? One hundred? Maybe just two?
How is it possible for me to choose?
Your smile lights up my heart and sets it ablaze,
And it's almost to much for me to take.
Your eyes, dark as night, draw me to your gaze.
They make me do anything for your sake.
But despite all this, you bring me some pain.
All my love is unbeknownst to you, dear,
Which causes my fragile heart to be slain,
Something that i most fearin this whole world.
For unlike Edward's sparkling diamond skin,
My skin is talc and would crumble therein.


There are my corrections.

Nothing. That was amazing. Really well written!

NightWriter x

User avatar
SwallowedByInsanity
Review
SwallowedByInsanity wrote a review Review · Dec 13, 2011

Incredible. I have no words to say how much I loved this poem! In fact, this has to be one of my favorites on here!
Jeez, I have no critiquing that would even be helpful to you, since its clear you writing is beyond my knowledge! I loved this piece. Especially,

MadameLuxestrange wrote:Your smile lights up my heart and sets it ablaze,
And it's almost to much for me to take.
Your eyes, dark as night, draw me to your gaze.

Simply beautiful. Keep writing!

User avatar
volleyball13
Review
volleyball13 wrote a review Review · Dec 13, 2011

I like it.

They make me do anything for your sake.

I'm not the best with poetry, but to me "sake" just seems out of place. Maybe use a synonym. Good luck with presenting it tomorrow, it is a very good sonnet (at least to me :smt002 )

P.S I'm not going to bash Twilight. I'm curious though, why Edward. Why not Jacob?



If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.
— Yiddish proverb