twilightxd

OK there's not much left for me to say pandapez pretty much covered it all. I think your story line is good, but like pandapez said you need more feeling ...

I blinked repeatedly but my eyes were still unused to the unusual darkness around me. u need a coma before the "but" I tried to stand but felt ropes cut ...

idk about anybody else, but I know I really want to here more and wondering where and how far are u going with this. katie this is good writting u ...

September 8th, 2006, the first time I walked down the hallways as a senior. I had my two best friends by my side, Heather and Ashley. We have been inseparable ...

This was a really good short story I liked the beginning with all the detail about the beach and the happy ending. the only thing that I saw that you ...

This was really good, I loved it! :D I liked how you used a very short simple story and made it longer by adding many of your thoughts about it. ...

She was the girl you want but never able to get her, you need a coma before the "but" "Niki, Trevor's coming you better pull your act together." Stevie said. ...

Ok this is good. :D There are only a few places where you forgott the coma, but when you reread it your sure to find them. I like how you ...

ok I don't really know where your going with this. I liked the way you put detail and emotion into this, but I can't see why you started with when ...

How he was in the Titanic. And Ryan Sheckler before he cut his hair. And Chad Michael Murray how he was at the Freaky Friday premiere, when his hair wasn’t ...

this is really good and found it pretty funny. :D :D I liked how you introduced the story in the beginning and the characters. I also think you made the ...

This is extremely long. I think you should only post one scene at a time or maybe that's just me. Anyways I'm going to critique the first scene and then ...

OK I agree with niccy, this is too long and should be posted separately in chapters, but I can see you put a lot of work into this so I'm ...

OK I liked your writing and your storyline, but I think you changed scenes a little too fast and you didn't give that much of a back story. you need ...

I got inspired by a book I am reading and got stuck galfway of what I was writing. Halfway I heard nothing at first but as I recovered from a ...