turity

I enjoyed this piece for two reasons: it moved along fast enough to not bore and it had a good mystery. It wasn't creepy though like you might have intended. ...

I agree with Juniper. I was a little lost reading this. There is no clear idea as to what exactly is happening. A war, yes, but what does the narrator ...

Hi, I'm turity! Here are some suggestions: Too much description of her suffering in the beginning. It doesn't hook right away. Try to find a better starting sentence and move ...

Hi, I'm turity. First off, I love the title of this work and how it frames the poem at the begining and end. I don't know why but I love ...

I didn't think it was boring, but you explained the main idea in too many words. I liked your writing style though. It was thought provoking and definitely had a ...

Same here. I loved the Artemis Fowl series. Admitedly, it was my younger brother who introduced the first book to me and it took me a while to get my ...

This was really interesting to read. I liked the pace you kept. It was quick and to the point, with enough mystery to hook me. Some suggestions: So alone am ...

Hi, I liked reading through this piece but here are some things I think you can fix and refine to make it even better. First off, you constantly switched tenses ...

Wow you’re character sounds really disturbed, which I guess is the point? =) I love how your opening paragraph is direct and to the point. Your sentences are also nice ...

Disgusting, thought Bane when he sensed the scent. Disgusting needs quotation marks or italics to differ it as a thought and not narration. "Sensed the scent" sounds awkward. You can't ...