thatoddkid

This is the second fourth of my review. Why am I starting with the second instead of the first? I'm cool like that. Actually, I'm a total loser and accidentally ...

(I think IcyFlame got most of my nitpicks for the first part.) Hannah and I looked at each other for a second without saying anything. And then we both exploded ...

Poetry and I don't get along... But this reminded me of a song and I'm not just going to put the song here because that's weird so I'll review this ...

I hardly ever read poetry. I definitely don't review it. But today's all sorts of weird, and I figured I might as well give it a shot... And in such ...

Her driveway was full of cars, none of which I could really see since it had grown dark outside during the drive. -The way you say "none of which I ...

Sorry this took a while. Minor headache. I just want to say that I don't know what this sounds like to you, so if any of the changes I suggest ...

I would save the hardest for last... And it's currently 12:35 a.m. I apologize in advance if this is all meaningless gibberish/garrulous praise. “Seven-eighths…you give all the coins to me.” ...

The lights were out but the sunlight that gleamed through the closed window blinds gave enough light. -I see what you're trying to say, but I think you could find ...

From my angle, I couldn't see her face for her hair. -Hmm. The second part of that sentence sounds odd. I think it's your use of "for". God, I'd forgotten ...

So I'm supposing that reviewing this is pointless because it's for a contest (that you placed in)... but it has no reviews! So... Don't ask. -So why -- oh... Okay. ...

Down farther is a mother clung to by two little blond ones and when the mother removes an auburn wig, you know only what has plagued her and the two ...

Let's get started... I've been waiting to review this for forever. He asked me why I didn’t wait for him longer, he said he loved me. -This might flow better ...

It took me forever to get to this, but at least I finally got here. On the other hand, you hadn't posted anything (you have points now, by the way ...

The only thing that bothers me: The breaks. Your writing has such a surreal quality – it draws the reader into a dream, but every time you come to a ...

This'll be short, mostly because other people have already said what I was going to say. But just to sum it up: the first three paragraphs are awkward and need ...